My life sacrified

My life sacrified



Chapter 1


You will be wrong if you do not believe that I changed since I met you. I can say to you at once that it is like night and day. Previously, I was really a silly girl completely stupid with false self-stuffiness and childish heedlessness . When I was eleven , I was taller than all the boys in my class, and more studious also ( I learned afterward that is a general principle of nature , even the animal female are as well) . When I had the physical changes of teenager; I took the things with wideness, even anyone did not tell me what and why they were so . It was only at the age of sixteen that I became equal , physically and mentally to boys in a different matters of studies except the math and some sport exercises, that is also natural in the human development . As a young woman , in the age of seventeen , I was convinced that it was time to find a man who would marry me, but here I was less comprehensive and skilful .

I dreamed as the most important number of teenagers to be appreciated, one day, by a magnificent man who comes to look for me and to give me his love; but in most of the similar cases in our world of weaker sex, this man cannot be always what we think about . In multiple cases , as others gills told me, he want to change the beloved young woman, in fact or in his imagination and his fantasies, into an attractive, removable, repairable, automated doll; then he takes the pleasure to enjoy himself and love her as well, in this ridiculous shape . I did not want to hear these rumours , Nevertheless I failed in my first practical tries with the men.

I have to say, as a matter of fact, that you seem different from the others in the reality, maybe even in your imagination. For me, I was able to discover in you, at first blush, by my own , the man who I believed capable actually to love me . Then I decided to love you because you are going surely to love me. I am there proud of me and I think I deserve of our love . Are you too ? I do not ask for an answer for the immediate. The future will confirm my peelings. Do not worry, thus, my darling.

Be quietly relaxed in your short stay in Lyon for the seminary. I hope that you are settled well in your hotel and that it pleases you well too .
too... I waits for you impatiently in a fortnight...

I did not send, in fact, this awkward and stupid letter to Charles, It will be ridiculous as well to definite his character for the little time I knew him ; I contented with phoning him in his) hotel dedicated in the pulpit of its rooms to receive the seminaries of international Conference on human rights in order to know in which precise date he returns to Paris.

He gave me the first day of the next month, for a rendez-vous to me.. We shall so have six last months since our first meeting.. Great!

I remember well this evening there, where we were in a restaurant in Monometer, two friends and a colleague to me at the secondary school where I work, to dinner on the occasion of my twenty-seventh birthday. Charles sat alone at a close table , just at a passage to go out or to go in toilet. Charles sat alone at a close table , just at a passage to go out or to go in toilet. In the middle of the dinner, I needed to redo my make-up, then I made excuses to my friends to go to washbasins during some minutes. My dress was hung on with the tablecloth of his table and all which was top was knocked down, the wine and the dish and the rest, without soiling nevertheless his dress . He got up immediately to seize my arm and prevent me from falling down .

Of my return, I saw on his table a new bottle of wine and an empty glass, waiting doubtless in the meantime, the waiter who fetched, I suppose, a new flat or a dessert. He threw me once again one so charming smile, what urged me automatically to ask to him to come to join us to our table. He said "with pleasure", and we sit, the one next to the other .

Having made the exchange of usual presentation, he did not hesitate to congratulate me for my birthday, while excusing for his indiscretion, because he included from some discussion spent before the incident, that was about a little feast between friends and it concerned me personally. I said I'm thankful , in a rather natural and smiling way. At this moment, he past discreetly his visit card where I was able to read the name "Charles Duval" without any mention of his address, but only the number of his mobile phone. I gave him, for my part, my number of telephone at home, orally, in a low voice.

At the end of the evening he suggested us going to take the liqueur in the same street corner by saying that it would be also sympatric that our restaurant and he added " to prolong the feast if it pleases you ".

We went together thus, and for this evening we became, both of us real friends, or rather two lovers..

We were happy all the time since the first day. Our meetings were
regular, twice a week, except the time of present conference, without
missing, without delay, without dispute . We told about our life before without reserve, even about our private affairs of heart . He had never been married ! He is forty five now, rather alluring than handsome , with brown eyes and dark eyebrows which give an aspect of some furtive sights. He speaks rarely about his original profession as a lawyer, and widely about his hobbies as a writer, an author of thrillers but he didn't give me one of his books, that will be done in the future. In his political preoccupation as an activist of human rights, he is entirely discreet. In brief: he is a perfect man.

However, we are not similar in all the domains. For example, from the point of view of private life of the couple, he is too much requiring for him and for me, whereas I, I am much less. He said to me, once, humbly and friendly, that I make the ethics prevail in the intimate relations ; but according to him, this has nothing to do with the reality of the world, when things should go according to the laws of nature and the normal functions of the body.

I understood that he considers me a passive woman , or even an ice-cold creature in a sense? That shocks me, because if it is true that I am poisoned since the adolescence by the reflex ions of some foolish girls, or certain religious notions on the reproduction and the task reserved for the women in the marriage and to content themselves with this duty, without aiming at other things, I several times want to have the carnal pleasure, but rarely . Contrary to me, Charles considers both things, sentimental and physical, inseparable; I prefer the affection and the tenderness, letting the pleasure take the second place in the life .

Amway, on his return, I'll endeavour with all my good willing to do something in this field. I don't want to loss him for a tiny affair like that .I 'all satisfy his rededications whenever he has envy. I should do it if really I can. It won't be the end of the world. I'll hear and obey only his words not those of the mad girls of adolescence or the fanatic religious .
Practising completely the femininity in all its dimensions, by wishing, or by force, is not illicit. What arrives in closed doors concern nobody, except us. I am neither a nasty whore, nor a dry woman of virtue.

The second point which irritates me and seems disturbing, is its mental and cultural capacities. He has never criticized me in an intellectual subject, even when I am wrong or I am ignorant there. His silence is worse than the word; because I feel more injured and humbled. Maybe we have the same understanding of things, but the precise seizure of the things and their dimensions is not in my capacity with the same degree. The problem there is insoluble, because it demands many years of
studies and researches.

Besides, he is always courteous in every conversation on his particular business, of literature or other intellectual domains. I asked him once if a writer like him is more expert than others in social questions , especially in his domain of poplars . He said ; " I don't write novels since many years '' I replied that a writer even he doesn't write now , is always a writer . People do not look at his past and at his other works. It will be sufficient with only one published work, to be an author. He did not say anything. In fact, he evaded deliberately my initial question!

Concerning his profession as a lawyer, he never pronounced a word about trials. This discretion is attached undoable to the professional duties . Perhaps when will be married he would be less strict . I am not sure . Anyway , this field is not very interesting for me .

For the rest , he is generous without flat , his nice-speaking is not excessive . His humour is measurable and adapted with circumstances. On this last point , we are almost similar .

Let us wait first of next month to see the things better and longer .


Chapter 2


He arrived in time at my apartment for our rendez-vous after the conference, but he seemed preoccupied and anxious, . He said just on his coming : " I am afraid, I can't stay too late, I have to meet somebody in the evening, for an important discussion concerning a trial which takes place tomorrow morning".

I had to accept sadly, because I was missing him , two long weeks which were for me an eternity . Our rendez-vous did not last hardly more than two ours. I was almost silent and I neglected to speak of whatever it is of most of the subjects which I wanted to discuss with him concerning particularly our future.

I asked him when we will meet again . He said " Not before ten days, I'll be very busy. I am sorry . Meanwhile I will phone you absolutely" .

I waited patiently his phone , but nothing arrived from him , even after the ten days promised.

The problem for me is that the only mean to contact him is the mobile . He did not give me an adress in Paris . I have never known a single name of his friends or his relatives . I confess that it was my own
fault . I had to be more prudent . Elas ! I didn't learn many things in the life .

Had he lie ? How could be then ?

Is he unfaithful ? Is he now with another woman? How can I take him back ? but, at first, how can I find him in a big town like Paris if I have not his adress ? I tried many times to contact him by the mobile , but in vain . He doesn't answer .

Is he alive ? Is he dead , or maybe sick yet ? Who knows? Oh ! I know the way ...What pity for me !!!

I called the Bar of Paris and said " Please give me the adress or the phone number of the cabinet in which the lowyer Mr. Charles Duval works", the voice answered me " I cannot give the adress by phone because of security restructions, but you can come and have an appointement with the reponsible in our locality to speak about what you want " , and I went immediately to this adress .

When I arrived I received the sad information that there is not a lowyer upon the register of the Bar in the name of " Charles Duval, but we shall asked the other bars to answer exactly to your question .

A week later I had a negative response . " There is no lowyer in France with the name of Charles Duval ".

I called the hotel in which Charles stayed once for the International conference of Human Rights, and have some informatins about the period of the conference . In fact the organiser of meeting was the french comity of Human Rights . I called immediately the comity in Paris to know if Mr. Charles Duval is a member of the assocation . I had the terrible answer that there is not a member whose name is Duval . Furthermore , they asked me if he is french or not . This question gave me the idea to search Duval in the franco- speaking associations . That demands many days but I should do .

Nothing in Belgium, nothing in Luxemburg, nothing in Switzerland
, nothing in the whole world .

There are also the publishers . I asked many of them and many of libreries , if the have ever heard about an author whose name is Charles Duval . Allways I do receive the same negative answer .

I waste time with all these useless searches. I have to become used now to live as a divorced woman, or as a widow...


Chapter 3


More than three months later, the telephone rang . It was a voice of a man I have never known him. He said briefly: " Charles is in under our hands, if you want to see him alive, you have to follow our instructions " and hung up, without waiting even for my answer...

Very worried and frightened, I called one of my best friends, Dalia, agent of insurance and she knows many people, to come immediately to see me . Besides, she was in the famous feast of birthday in Monmartre, so I can speak frankly with her about this incredible threat .

While Dalia was with me ; I received a new communication . The man said : "You must prepare 80000 euros in the coming twenty four hours if you want to see Charles freed. I warn you, if you say one single word to the police , Charles will dye. It will be your turn later " .

Dalia heard the communication and began to cry. I became immovable, dumb and completely ruined inside. How I may collect such a sum. . All that I have of sparing money is less than a half of the sum .. Dalia said : " I can help you for 10000 euros . For the rest we try to find a solution ... "

Early in the morning I phoned to my parents to ask them if they can give me some money without speaking about a precise sum and
without saying why . .

Actually she came in the evening with exacly the sum required . Incredible thing and a great evidence of friendship . Of course, I will spend the whole of my life to pay what I borrowed .

The voice called me again late in the evening and asked if the sum is now with me . Then , the voice said :" Put the money in a brief-case and go out in the street with your mobile in the hand and continue to walk on your left until I call you" . I had to obey at once .

The street was dark and deserted . I walked on the left and crossed another street but always on the left . Suddenly the voice said : There is a cinema in the corner. You buy a ticket and you enter into the middle of the salle . There you take place and stay for exactly ten minutes ; then you let the brief-case and go out . So,you will find Charles at you to morrow morning" . I wanted to say something in order to be sure of exactitude of his planning, but he hung up .

I did exactly what he orded me to do . The cinema was half empty and I remarked nothing around me . I let the big sum on the chair and came back home sick and worried .

Charles came later than it was promised . He was tired with blue on eyes and front . I cried and asked him when he was freed and how he spent the time of kidnapping , he said : " All what happened was awful indeed, but I beg you not to require all the details . That is in order to preserve our security. Let us speak about anything but not about the last event "

We passed the most beautiful night in our life . When I waked up he was yet gone .

I went to the secondary school with a new character, happy and confident, but In the evening I received the most horrible communication which I have never had since the kidnapping of Charles. . The voice of the unknown man is reappeared . He said : " Have you found your lover ? . As for me, I am not like you in no way, because all this story is made by both of us, Charles and I. Now, the man whose name is completely invented was my partner in the kidnapping. I
organized all the operation and he executed all that I said to him...
; but yesterday he went with th money without let the half of sum as it was concluded between us . He is a swindler , a big thief . I will kill him whe I find him " ...

I did not understand the rest of the communication. I think that I lost all the capacity to listen to or to utter a word. When I returned to the life, I phoned Dalia.

This intelligent girl has the perfect quality to calm me in the difficulties of the life. She said:

" Be quiet and let us think about the problem with a profound and
effective way, not in crying and wiping . Charles is not undoubtly his real name ; neither the family name which he borrowed from a famous name of family bourgeoise well kown in the french history , particularly in Rennes . He met you and found after some weeks that you you have affection for him . He told his friend about you . Then the accomplice had to imagine quite one a sénario to exercise a false kidnapping to exploit your relation with him and translate it into a source of funds for both of them. .

So the ransom had to be divided in two equal parts, fifty- fifty, but Charles considered that he deserves only the sum for him and he disappeared with the money. If he came to see you, it is only to finish the realization of this put-up job. I think that he will not return to meet you once again . It was indeed a terrible cauchemare. Regrettably, there are besides the debts which you have to pay during a long long period of time. To my opinion we have to go to the police and say everything since the beginning. What do you think?

" I don't want to see him dead, because if the other man knows that the police is upon the field , he will kill Charles, and I am sur he will", I said .

Dalia became red and very angry . She said ; " You are crazy . You continue to love him, whatever he did , even after he stole your money and the money of your friends and the other persons also, you must be a little bit wise and correct with yourself and with the others"

I insisted: " yes. I cannot cause him any damage by his riva
l, nor denounce him to the police and make him undergo some punishment. My heart does not want, I am sorry " and I cried widely.

She said: " I shall make it in spite of your refusal. I have to make something in the name of our friendship ".

I replied : " and I ask you in the name of friendship not to do it " .

Our conversation is ended like that. Dalia is brought in at her with a big regret that a girl so mad as I can behave so..











Chapter 4


I paid off for relatively a brief delay the sum that I borrowed from Dalia. Our relation became nevertheless weak and suspicious because of my errors committed to her in the progress of the events concerning Charles's problem.

In fact I became stronger and more aggressive than in the past to everybody. So, the rival of Charles stopped disturbing me. When he said: " I know that he will return to see you. Then be sure that I take my vengeance against both of you and I shall have entirely my money.] " I replied : " Listen to me . I have never seen him since more than year and I know that you are observing me everyday at my home and in the street. If Charles were coming back You should be the first who knows . Besides , You have not any money to require . This money is mine, not yours. You know well that I can ask for the protection of the police and you go to be attached to the hands, accused and condemned, earlier or later, then you will be imprisoned for the rest of your life . Do you want that indeed ? " and he never phoned after this threating .

Many years are spent since I saw Charles after his return and the long night of happiness which I had with him, in my big satisfaction and my big pleasure. I cannot forget him and if he comes back one day , I will forgive him . .

I could pay off a big part of the borrowed sums. Only I regret that
I lost because of this matter the most faithful of my friends, Dalia.


Once this year, by returning at home, she perceived me, by surprise, walking on the opposite pavement. She stopped and crossed the street to look for me there where I was. Then she approached slowly to me with a wide smile. I took her in my arms and cried. Then we went to have a drink in the corner. She was magnificent and very pleasant during our conversation.

Then she said with a reserved sight: " I want to say to you something on Charles. Do you allow me that I say ? But she did not wait for my answer and said : " the police of Luxemburg announced the arrest of a member of a criminal band searched by Interpole and by many authrities in Europe. Newspapers published afterward a photo of the thief. The man in the photo seems to have about fifty of age, with big mustaches and a thickens beard. I realized that it was the image of Charles in spite of his changes of aspect of his face . I said to myself: he is Charles doubtless, but his name appeared in the newspaper is siverro Paul, I suppose that it is its real name. The commit magistrate asked for witnesses and said that any information will help us to find the stolen sums and to prove the liable to penal risponsability of offender .

I said nothing , but the next day I took the train to Luxembourg . .I searched the justice administration and found not very hardly the bureau of the commit magistrate . He said to me that an exam view of verification is nessessary and I must confront the offender . . I accepted if this process would be the most discreet possible.

In the afternoon the confrontation was terrible: there were five or six persons and I had to say who is the man whom I accuse .I ought to see the one after the other and stop a little to look at everyone , then make some distance to determine in a complete discretion the one that I denounce. It was a hard and difficult experiment the moment when I stopped in front of Charles : he looked at me fixedly with his charming eyes as in our first meeting. My heart beat strongly and I thought that my legs could not support me . I retook the force and continue the turn of observation of the next offenders , but in a ridiculous awkwardness.

The policeman who accompanied me in the confrontation, asked me
very slightly: " did you recognize anybody? " I said "No one" and I returned to Paris.

In the train I thought of all which reached me during the last five or six years, and also in all which will arrive in the next years with the
sadness and the regret which I shall have in my heart, while Charles spend his imprisonment for at least ten or fifteen years .

I cursed myself for being such a crazy girl, but my love for him defeated me , and even my life is definitvely sacrified for him , I continue to love him .....

When will I be cured of what I have been ?

Ever I think .


The end

The fate of a poet named Damascius

Adel El Zaïm
Adel El Zaïm

The fate of a poet named Damascius

Introduction
1 - Strange visit
2 - The past is always triumphant
3 - The sufferings of Damascius
4- One thousand words of love
5 -Two broken hearts
6 - The world is my homeland
7 - Light of hope
8 -Cause and result
9 - I spit at the face of the fate





Introduction



The tragic end of the philosopher greco-romano-syrian Damascius, the same name of Damascus (480-550 after JC), under the reign of the Roman emperor Justinien represented, for many recent historians, the sublime will of an individual, convinced of his ideology of intellectual freedom, to resist to the social, cultural or religious mainstreams, which were contradictory, unreasonable, unhealthy or fanatical .He was the last neoPlatonic teacher in the academy of Athens. This last one was closed by the emperor who had forbidden the education of the philosophy to non-Christian peoples.

Because of this indefensible ban according to Damascius; he took refuge, with a certain number of his followers, at Chosroês, king of Persians . He stayed in Persian, far from his country, during two years; and returned only after the conclusion of a treaty terminating a war between Rome and Persian king.. The return in 520 after JC of the philosopher and his followers was included in the conditions required by Chosroês.

Damascius and his followers went at first in Alexandria. He continued during the rest of his life, namely during eight years, the development of his philosophy and the completion of some of his works, of which the " Treaty of First Principles ", was the most important. He was also interested in the poetry and in the connections between the religion and the sciences, as the Arabic Averroès ( 1126-1198 ) who will teach his philosophic thoughts , may be with or without the knowledge of Damascius, in Andalusia, 600 years later.

The philosophy of Damascius was known in Syria to " the philosophic school of Apamée " and taught in certain cities of Minor Asia, especially in the famous basilica of Éphèse. He died in Alexandria in dark conditions, and forgotten by the historians of the philosophy during centuries …

A Syrian poet was interested in the personality and the ideology of Damascius.. He borrowed his name as ''pen name" in the circle of his friends in Damascus, in the sixties, following the example of the big Syrian poet"Adonis", known all over the world by this pen name only..

Why thus "Damascius"? At first; because our contemporary poet was born in Damascus, perfectly as Damascius the philosopher, and was in love with this city; then, because he believed in the freedom and the justice, as the ancient philosopher of Greek thought.. Their lives were alike, except their religious membership ( besides, Adonis is rather athehistic) . Their behavior towards the society and people had a lot of resemblance. Their sad end of life was almost similar.

Here is the history of the life and the death of our poet, modern "Damascius", who made the apology, during certain times of its life of the ideas of the philosopher " Damascius " the ancient.

My objective is not, anyway, to speak to the readers about the philosophy, generally or particularly, under one or the other school, nor even of the poetry as such, but of the love in all its aspects …. of its pleasures and its pains, as profoundly felt them two lovers in Damascus, at the beginning of the second half of the last century.


Chapter 1


Strange visit


In a high building, situated in the new districts of West of Damascus, surrounded by small islands of trees scattering from here and there, live Hind and her niece are living here for some years ago. They lead a quiet life to the fourth floor of the building, without having established many contacts with the neighbours .

Hind, the owner, works as chief accountant in a company import - export, not very far from her place of residence. The young niece, in eighteen years, makes the last year of General Certificate of Education ( Baccaloréat).

The clock rang six times. Hind, the host of the house, was incapable this evening to remember if she had given an appointment to somebody; but she remained dressed and made up after her return by the work, in case, and just in case!....

One or two minutes later, her niece opened the door for an unknown woman who would like to see Hind; she told to have had, the day before, a phone call with her to fix this meeting . This explanation was sufficient for her, to let the lady enter into the apartment.

The unknown woman with the girl carefully crossed the corridor which leads to the lounge ; there, where is Hind, seen of back, dressed in semi - cut out the neck gown, of dark colour. She was absently sunk into a long indistinct glance toward the tops of trees, through a wide window, without paying attention on what took place around her .

" Good evening Madam ", the woman abruptly said, just behind the bare shoulders of Hind who had not even heard the bell... This surprise did not prevent her from drawing, by turning the head, half a smile on a pallid face formerly tired after long workday.
.
She said to her with courtesy: " you are welcome Madam. Take a place , please ", in the way she speaks in her work to the guests or the customers..

The niece left at once the lounge to prepare the coffee, without asking the lady if she prefers it very sweet, average or without sugar of the whole, as wanted the custom of this country, to question every guest, from his arrival on his choice of the coffee.

" I am Samiha, who spoke to the telephone yesterday. Your sisters did not know that I wanted to set up an appointment to meet you today, and that you granted well me this chance, personally and in private ! »

Hind with difficulty hid her envy for laughter for this way of approaching such subject in touch with her own sisters, and avoided showing her surprise in front of this indiscretion of the woman from which she comes, there is less than one minute, to receive her! Notably that she had never met her previously! Only, she remembers hearing her first name " Samiha ", one or two times in the past, on the tongue of her sisters; without attaching to her, in that period, any importance. This lady was only a neighbour of her sisters, no more.

" Continue, if you please. I am completely to you " Hind has clarified friendly; but she noted that this strange interlocutor was completely awkward, and curiously fearful of her sisters! Following the example of herself! What a coincidence! What a strange parallelism!

Apparently Samiha was satisfied by this invitation to speak. She did not, at once, hesitate to pronounce the sentence which she had repeated several times in the head, on the way, before arriving to Hind.

" Damascius **… .Ah, I should want to say Ahmed, sorry, is in the town. He returned! Returned! "

** N.B. The tragic end of the philosopher greco-romano-syrian Damascius, the same name of Damascus (480-550 after JC), under the reign of the Roman emperor Justinien represented, for many recent historians, the sublime will of an individual, convinced of his ideology of intellectual freedom, to resist to the social, cultural or religious mainstreams, which were contradictory, unreasonable, unhealthy or fanatical .He was the last Napoleonic teacher in the academy of Athens. This last one was closed by the emperor who had forbidden the education of the philosophy to non-Christian peoples.

Because of this indefensible ban according to Damascius; he took refuge, with a certain number of his followers, at Chosroês, king of Persians . He stayed in Persian, far from his country, during two years; and returned only after the conclusion of a treaty terminating a war between Rome and Persian king.. The return in 520 after JC of the philosopher and his followers was included in the conditions required by Chosroês.

Damascius and his followers went at first in Alexandria. He continued during the rest of his life, namely during eight years, the development of his philosophy and the completion of some of his works, of which the " Treaty of First Principles ", was the most important. He was also interested in the poetry and in the connections between the religion and the sciences, as the Arabic Averroès ( 1126-1198 ) who will teach his philosophic thoughts , may be with or without the knowledge of Damascius, in Andalusia, 600 years later.

The philosophy of Damascius was known in Syria to " the philosophic school of Apamée " and taught in certain cities of Minor Asia, especially in the famous basilica of Éphèse. He died in Alexandria in dark conditions, and forgotten by the historians of the philosophy during centuries

The news blew up Hind of her armchair. It was a great surprise for her. Ahmed is abroad for a long time, she already knew that; but here he is appear abruptly in her life..

In spite of this physical and moral rough shock, and in spite of a painful strong light in front of her eyes, Hind was able to retrieve her usual tranquillity; except this time, realy exceptionally, she was not able to retain two tears which filled her dark eyes, but are not poured on the cheeks, showing so her dignity and her discretion in front of the foreigner..

Samiha dreaded, indeed a painful reaction of Hind when she learns the return of the poet, Ahmed, in Damascus; but she had a mission to be performed and it was necessary to arrive fast there!... May be that she began very brutally to speak about him, and that she was careless to enter directly the subject without preparing the road. But she is going to try, all the same to reassure her host, that everything will go in the best, if she wanted indeed to have the patience to listen to the rest. …

The arrival of the coffee interrupted for a moment their interview; what allowed Samiha to take advantage of some moments to contemplate the face of her host and try, by a simple curiosity, to guess her age. " She is still beautiful, in spite of she is close to about forty let us put thirty eight years; but she does not make them! . " Samiha thought so..

Hind asked kindly to her yong niece to leave them alone, and the discussion started again immediately. Samiha began the first to say: " I work as saleswoman in a shop of clothes close to The Square of Martyrs. One day,
during the last week, two twins of thirty five or thirty six years, who were enormously alike one to another, entered the shop with a third man, a little bit bizarre, of at least ten years older . They wanted to buy a suit for this last one, very badly dressed, with untidy hair, a beard pushed on a face not shaved for several days; very pale, in lost glances, and hands which trembled. ; a ghost whose real existence was somewhere else; a machine which executed what we ordered him to make.

" I helped this strange person, apparently perturbed psychologically, but no crazy or simple-minded, to fitt clothes which were convenient for his cutting. He did not seem very interested in what they wanted to buy him, and remained absent in head during the fitting, with eyes always empty, without pronouncing a word. "

" I contemplated the face repeatedly, and it appeared to me, by his clear eyes and by his long nose, brief by certain features of face which do not escape the women, that he looked like a young man whom I had seen on a photo, together with several persons, at your sisters! Those wanted, in fact, to show me the face of this man who was called Ahmed, certain poet also having another bizarre name: " Damascius".

" Your sisters were very furious at him. … They said that they had with him a long story concerned you personnaly !.. They persisted that they hated him and wished that he ruins himself! Later, they told me all the details of the long events crossed between you and this man ".

"..... Then, I abruptly addressed him some words, just before going out of the shop: " you are Ahmed. Is it not? he did not answer because he was always in the vagueness; but the two other persons, twin brothers, stopped at once, when they heard my sentence! "

" It is at this moment there, that I noticed that they did not know the name of their companion, at least, his real name. One of the brothers approached me to confirm that this man had given them his name as "Damascius", not "Ahmed" such I called to him; and that he lives by them recently.... They left immediately after, without making more comments! .

" The next day, one of the twins phoned me in the shop. He wanted that we speak about certain things as he considered very important, concerning Ahmed or, according to him " Damascius". I answered, at once, that I indeed wanted to meet him, to discuss with him, provided that the interview takes place in my house, to make the maximum of precaution, and avoid that Ahmed knows about what it passes around him, seen his psychological current state.

" Then, he came home at the adress I gave him; and further to our discussion which lasted for a long time, he had agreed that I announce you myself the return of Ahmed in the country… And speak a little about the future, if you agree! "

Samiha continued his speech, always hastened, awkward, and very badly organized in the exposure of her ideas; without that she paid attention that Hind could think of this direct penetration in her private life , in the depths of a very intimate personal subject.

" I am maintaining the address of the twins where lives Ahmed at present, and I have their phone number . Then, if you want to know them for a kind of information, then, to realize possibly a meeting with Ahmed, or if need be, to make a certain contact with him, I am ready for you. Then, she added: " I already knew that you ignore the places of his movements in Europe, then in America, and I presume that you are surprised with his unexpected return to Damascus; but he is there, at the moment I believe sincerely that he needs you, and there is no one than you who can help him.

" I learnt that he feels alone and sick. It looks like he was affected by a grave melancholy, a disturbance of his character. He saw everything quite black and crossed an important distress. According to the twins who found him almost died in front of their door, there is now more of two weeks, they said that he tended to the solitude, to the distraction, even to the suicide.. In brief, he continues at present to live aimless and without any notion of time!

Hind answered at once: " I understood well the objective of your visit and I appreciate your intervention, and your good attention a lot .You thus want that I visit Ahmed and to retie the contact with him … I say to you openly that I do not wish that we see each other both, neither now, nor in the future! "

This answer of Hind, denial and without appeal, shook Samiha from top to bottom. She had the feeling that her mission had completely fallen in the water, and her visit should have thus to end here! What a duty!

But it was in no way the case for Hind who continued her sentences with a familiar, simple and warm tone. Besides, she seemed to consider her host, nevertheless, as an old friend or a close relative with which one could have a frank discussion! "

" I became another woman.,she said.. I set of the weight; the white hair began to reveal the promotion of my age; look at me; I became old, and how! ! In fact, I prefer to let Ahmed continue to imagine myself, exactly as I had been in his eyes, there is more than ten years old, when I was still young! ".

" On the other hand, I do not want to see him, in his current state as you described him to me..... a lost man , swamped with sufferings, perturbed without reasoning and without perspectives, while I considered him, during all my life, a perfect, intelligent man and.....

Samiha interrupted her:" can you explain me the reasons of this break between you, which already lasts for several years? ".

Hind simply answered that there was not only real cause of separation between them if it was not the accumulation from several events which appeared simultaneously, and ended their relation.

- " What I can say to you, Samiha? " She said familiarly. " I wondered, often, " Is it was the link, formerly sacred in our family, especially with my sisters , more than the one who existed with my husband, who surpassed quite other consideration? I do not really know.

" Ahmed had certainly believed that I had, of my head, decided to part from him like that! (She raised the hand and makes a slap with the fingers in the air). That's it, to my opinion, who urged him to become an unfortunate and patient such he is. He had to imagine that I regretted, as we say, having given in shamefully in front of the threats of my family or my husband!.

" Really, a similar thing was against my principles, because I considered that what we call vulgarly "penitent" was for me, a term unavowable, atrocious and even having no place in my case, for this word had to concern only the merciless sin or the gravest moral faults.

" I do not allow, as a woman or simply as a human being, to erase of a single line that the fate had granted me, through my link with Ahmed, so much happiness and tenderness, during our friendship, Then our secret link of intimate affection!

" This love was my reason to be, which stays for me the noblest of the feelings. I am proud to say that this relation allowed me to discover the "I" in myself, and to live profoundly my feelings, my femininity and my dreams which were, according to me, sacred rights "

Samiha noted well that her host did not pursue any more with her a normal conversation, but rather a monologue or, a sort of solitary meditation.

Hind continued, relentlessly, her confessions: " the love which does not put itself in the test, does not deserve its name. It is the essence of life and existence of each, and in this condition, it is necessary to persist in living in dignity and in complete respect for himself,..In spite of every restrained arisen and the painful consequences of the discovery of such emotion by those who were in contrary with it . It was also my story with Ahmed. "

" The suspicions and the accusations often exaggerated, did not manage to extract from my inmost depths the visceral affection to him. Only I asked, in the time, that he decreases the frequence of his visits and shorten the time of our rare meetings outside.

" My husband and my sisters imposed me a punishment which represented, generally, the same fate reserved for most of the women of my generation who lived the same circumstances; that is suffocate my affection in
its cradle. That would have been able to urge me to the madness or to terminate my life. But I wanted to keep the completeness of my reasonings and the clarity of my ideas to love him always.. "

" I hated the death and I refused the suicide, contrary to those who consider them as a replica to the injustice and an adequate result to the disappointment and to the despair. I have never thought of putting out the torch which once enlightened my life. I want to continue to relive the recollections and the dreams of the past and to feed on their sap, day after day, hour after hour. My heart beats eternally for him, and for him only. Our former days are present all the time in my head, remembered in front of my eyes and I always keep all his poems signed Damascius, whom he had written for me; I often read them and I eventually repeated them, almost all, by heart.

" I am sad, because I remained a chained, demolished woman, in my depth and in my moral existence; but I fight all the time to camouflage, of a way or of the other one, my fragile feminine condition, and fit out afterward my links with the family!

" In our country, the moral authority of the parents, the fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, and several times male cousins, sometimes continue to exercise in the middle of numerous sectors of society, and mostly in certain regions, towards the brides, exactly as when they were single. This dominion lasts, in a scandalous, oppressive way till the end of their lives!. "

" I am also very sad for Ahmed …for all that it arrived at him because of me, or because of my sisters and of my husband. He was a man profoundly faithful to his feelings and his principles.. .. He offered me his heart, consacred his existence, dedicated his poetry and reserved me the most sincere respect … Regrettably here he is now, only a poor man unfortunate, sick, disappointed, without situation , without perspectives. "

" What makes me maintaining fear, after what you said to me, it is that he may conclude badly what I think of him, of us, of the past, of the present and how I have to act for the future.. Yes, Samiha, I love him today as I loved him yesterday and as I made from the first day. The love is a thing that nobody on earth has to forbid it. My heart belongs to me; I am an owner of my feelings that I share only with him; and I shall remain faithful to the one that I loved, to the one who loved me, without that he sees me, without that I see him ! Is it still the love? I know nothing about it ‘’

Hind silently accompanied her up to the door. She threw to her before she leaves a glance which meant: regrettably.




Chapter 2


The past is always triumphant


The dinner with the niece was fast and silent. Hind, indeed, had not the appetite after the departure of Samiha; but she pretended to eat normally to escape from any illusion on behalf of her niece, concerning the change of her humor, and not to have wanted any more to speak, notably of this visible fatigue on the face.

She did not answer either, during the dinner, the comments of her niece, still young and innocent, than the "Lady" was kind, in spite of she does not know her before, in spite of the visit was long, whereas she had to do nothing with this visit, that it was long or of short duration!

Indeed, she thought, the commonness or the familiarity support in no way, this evening, as high as the grave subjects discreetly maintained with Samiha. She got up quietly to help her niece to get rid of table and to carry the plates up to the kitchen sink.

The atmosphere after the dinner was rather heavy, rather boring for the niece who eventually says good evening to her aunt and run in dance steps, towards her room, free-and-easy and cheerful, by humming tunes!.

" What a magnificent decision of this girl! " Hind murmured. It will allow her to remain alone, to reflect little, and to look at things closer. She did not delay plunging into her thoughts and her memories to estimate and measure the attitude which she has just taken to Ahmed.

She had to notice, at the end of the evening, that she would not arrive at a concrete result; because, her ideas and her, feelings began to overlap, to turn in real nightmare:

" How I was able to dare to say that I did not want to meet Ahmed?

Was it not inequitable to act so: neglect him completely at the moment, as a surplus that we need no more from him? All this, after an expectation of long and painful years, during which I did not stop dreaming about him, imagining that a weak light of his silhouette, appears in front of my eyes!Why thus to have spent the long sleepless nights, after his disappearance, to look, in vein moreover, for a solution of our forced break? How then I can forget him so, how a narrow-minded and thankless woman am I ? I am only a real wild monster; I am , God only knows ,simply a zero wouman and zero creature, even one thousand times zero, to put so tragic end of such atrocity, silly and brutally, to our beautiful love story.

Where are the pleasant recollections of happiness and enjoyment, fixed profoundly, which could slowly spring from time in other as a breeze coming from the paradise? Where are his kisses, his smiles, his poems and his sublime ideas that he passed on to me on the life, about the woman, the freedom, the true knowledge of loving and being loved ?

This audacity without similar which I did for him and towards our love equally, has never appeared in my character precedently, and never be a part of my nature. If I am credible with myself, I thus have to choose between two solutions: either to continue to be foolish, stupid and thankless; either, to embody a normal woman, deserving following the principles of the feminine life. . In the second case, it would be necessary to have the courage to feel responsible for the atrocious injustice that I am saddening to a man that I loved and I still claim to love him . If I was honest I should have refused his advances since the beginning, in the spring of our life and not let an innocent man expect from me, during years, for sacrifices or, in the slightest of things, correct behavior …

The night passes, and she continues indefatigably, until dawn, to speak and to speak ceaselessly, with the ardent anger of a woman hurt by her own reproaches; then she eventually falls asleep, the body tired and ice-cold , the eyes tearful …

In her sleep, she did not stop telling Samiha, the woman who dislodged everything, the events of her story, such a repertory , opened and prolonged in the infinity.. The front page of our story concretely opened with the declaration of love pronounced to me by the poet -philosopher named Damascius in that period.

It was during the evening of October 7th, 1965, when Ahmed told me about his feelings of love … He did not stop since, to pass on to me his loving emotions by all the means: the multiple knocks of telephone every morning, letters and notes performed with poems and words describing his admiration of the person whom I was, his respect to me, his deep affection; and when we were together, with the other friends, by glances which substituted for any direct expression, by discreet and brief whispers , stolen from the furrows of the discussions. The evening of October 7th,1965 was cheerful and noisy in the club " Cellar of the King ", situated in the circle which brought to the Parliament and the chic districts of the city.

We were a group of friends and Ahmed was a part of it. In fact, this evening there, Ahmed did not want to come to dance with us, because it already made late, when my husband rose in his apartment, when we stayed in car, to invite the couple to accompany us. His wife was almost put to sleep where she was lengthened in front of the television. As for her, it was dark for hours and as a consequence, opening half the eyes, she refuse to join us.

In brief, Ahmed accepted finally, with certain hesitances, because of his stubborn wife, to come down with my husband, in the street where our car waited for them..

The louange of the club was dark, in spite of the multiple, useless and insufficient lighting, the lamps in various colors, fixed to the ceiling or put on the small tables of the customers. People, who ate or danced, were already in the summit of their euphoria and we began to have dinner and to drink, only towards midnight.

Ahmed stared at me, during the meal, very bizarrely, contrary for the other times, when he was well-behaved , serious and wise as all other friends who accompanied us in our usual releases.

Abruptly, He invited me to dance.

He was so vague and awkward by leaving the table to the point that he almost knocked down all the cups filled with whiskey, with juice of fruits or with coca-cola, put on the tablecloth.

He seemed to me to walk in dream towards the dancing floor there; then to dance with me, the spirit somewhere else, by surrounding me in the breast, hardly tightened by his lax arm. A sleeping ghost who dances!

At some point, he opened the eyes, began to look at me, shyly this time, launching glances by fast fixations, every five seconds; then he whispered me in the ears of some words which I did not understand, because of the very strong noise of the music coming from the orchestra. He repeated: " I love you, you are all my life "; in a stronger voice that I could hear him clearly; but I did not answer, either.

It was as if I doubted his real intention. I remained silent, feining the indifference or the incomprehension. He added then, in the same tone, other words, and always without immediate reaction of my part: "YOU ARE MY SOUL, MY HEART, MY LIFE ". I said nothing, this time there also; but I discreetly understood the message; I even received it with an inexplicable and hesitating secret enjoyment.

My silence looked like, in last consideration of spirit, a tacit assent of me; without adding anything, neither words, nor gestures, nor glances.

But the next day, in the morning, he phoned me, and it is at this moment there, that I presumed we became two authentic lovers, as if our love already existed since so for a long time.

Our love was thus born, at one go, prematurely but amply He was perfectly fullfiled and complete as a rose opened by surprise in a beautiful morning. Then, it matured under the sun of Damascus, as the grains of a sweet grenadine pushed in the gardens of Ghoutta.

We say that dreams of the human being, the longest, most vast over years of existence, pass in mind of the dreamer, during less than some seconds; Hind thus continued to go through the repertory of her life:

I did not know the love before Ahmed.

My marriage, was a complete failure since the conclusion of the contract. That one had been signed three years before this night of dance hall; it was arranged between our two families without taking into account my feelings. ; but it surprised nobody: the majority of the marriages in our society are constituted by simple agreements between families about material contents of which make mainly: fixation of the pecuniary dowries; ; one is preliminary, payable beforehand; the other one delayed, to be settled to the divorced woman now the widow. The rest is only useless formalities.

In some accommodate of traditional families, the main objective of the girl's parents is, regrettably, to get rid of her, most rather possible, and at a very young age, fifteen or sixteen years, to avoid every risk of scandals, as for example, flirtations with a young person of the other sex, even the sexual attacks of the other males which soil, for the eternity, the honor of the family, while the girl would be honorable and innocent .

What is surprising and paradoxical in this society, it is that the tales glorifying the love exist abundantly in literary or popular legends; in the films and the theater passed in public and private rooms , often complete .

We listen to throughout the day, aloud always, love songs, very daring, several times; in streets, in the posts of radio or the TV . Sometimes through loudspeakers, attached in permanent to trees or long lanterns in markets.

In taxis or even buses where we listen to loving songs that the driver had beforehand chosen, then launched freely, during his route, without asking even for the assent of the passengers.

On the other hand, nowadays, as in close or distant past, the society tolerates between both sexes, only the professional or educational links, in the minimum of a "freedom" controlled too severely. Certain families prevent downright their daughters from going to the school or to the university.. Others else, do not give them their agreement to go to work; even to make chase alone. They have to be always accompanied by a member of the family, rather male.

Besides, what is more bizarre it is that the married couples which had before the marriage any kind of relations, even in all innocence, or in their same intimacy or in contacts with the others refute absolutely the existence of these links Without speaking, naturally, about the other aspects of relations of each would have maintained with beings of the other sex, even if it was about engagement of the respectful feelings, of objective admiration, or to take a walk with some body in friendship before and after the marriage.

These taboos, always exist and the couples are brought, because of the traditions, to hide them all the time, to the other husband in the first place, and then the others ; and bury, once for all, these "vices" or '' faults'' , lack of social behavior, till the end of their life!

As for Ahmed, himself , he confessed to me later, that he was in love of me since the first time he saw met, with my husband, in a politico-cultural meeting; some months later, in a circle of friends of the same political tendency. Then, he got used to frequent us, friendly and in a very innocent way, accompanied or not with his wife, and we were, my husband and I , very delighted. The wouman of Ahmed was reserved, rather suspicious and jealous, of me and of all the women which participated in our meetings.

Twice, on the occasion of small name-days of birthday of me, he read verses who wrote them specially for the occasion, as he made it possibly with the others of his friends! Indeed, he has confessed later that the reading of the poems was intended for me, and that it was the only means to express his loving feelings, discreetly, without that anybody, me understood, even the first one ,then obviously his wife, do not understand what he thought really . I remember well the poetic images in some of his poems, of the period ; it was him who admitted later :

In your arrival to the world

The small stars of thousands colors

Announced all the happiness

And enjoyment, God knows, how deep!

In the heart of delight

You made plagues of smiles

And all these perfumes of paradise

That we smelt cheerful! "

For a poet loving as him, the poetry camouflages the real feelings of the man when he intends to be more or less, discreet face to face of the one who loved and the others.

He often said to me that I am " the exception " in our society. A rebel wouman who fights for a universal feminism, for a whole enjoyment of sacred women rights among which the number made half of the planet.

He says that they have a duty, to demand their right to owen of same theirself , body, passion, inmost feelings, autonomy, faith and ideology, personal thoughts on the existence, the life and the society.

He exaggerated, doubtless, especially in this period of the sixties, what he said about women; these not being still obtained the totality of their rights, nowhere in the world. I said to myself some time, about which he rather dreamed, as usually. He saw in me a magnificent woman, in his poems and in his imagination; but I admit that I protested, in my life to me, and practically certain "privileges" about which he spoke. I exercise even, without scruples of my part, a good number of them , including the faith, the religious practice, the ideology and, especially, the passions; as for the phisique autonomy, I was different from women of my generation, even face to face from my husband, who had, moreover, never dared to demand me something that I did not accept..

I recognize, nevertheless, that I sometimes gave in, in front of the fear of being killed, deformed by face or by body, during painful quarrels about these subjects. I hesitated, also, when I felt that my acts or my reactions turned out "extreme reactionary" for the others and contradictory for myself .

But with Ahmed, I refused nothing; I did not hesitate to make all that he wanted, even the excess, the extravagant, the blameable and, several times, of various madnesses. It was here my exception, as he said!


Hind frowned between her two eyebrows, when a temporary image had risen to the sleepy head:

The relations between him and his wife degraded, but he said to me, many times, that it was not because of me, at least, because of my place which I occupied in his heart. It represented only a small part of this degradation of their conjugal relations.

His wife was really jealous of everybody; at first, of all the women; friends or close relations of the family, excluded from her satisfaction; then, of the men who bound robust links with her husband ; for her, they were suspects, sometimes charged traitors.

Ahmed once described, with his poetic way, but in satiric terms doubtless, this relation between his wife and me, by letting me say to her, of spirit naturally:

You were, one day, my only friend
And become the worst enemy
All the meanness which incur
Are one horrible epidemic !

I am going to take your husband
That I loved and outbade him!


It is pitiful what we play
It left me in confusion!

Nothing more passes with us
Only the hatred you will have


You deprived him of love
So that he forgets you and leaves !

I am for him, he said to me
I Ioved him ; he loved me
You wanted then scandalizing
This friendship complete years

Nobody in world envies you
And you go away the life!

Indeed, I refused to the time this terrible image, even virtual and poetic about the feminine relations between two creatures loving the same person. The other women who suspected the existence of a born out of wedlock relation with Ahmed, with the exception of a small number of friends having the same mentality as me, shouted in the scandal ! My two sisters understood. Doubtless, these differences had the effect of causing later a wave of rumours which succeeded to poison my married life, on one side, and to provoke the worst of the concerns and problems of existence for Ahmed, on the other side

Hind, in her dreams, aroused by the unexpected visit of Samiha, was so able to remember of most of the images of this period of the sixties. The sleepy face reflected the profound feelings springing in her breast, sometimes sad, sometimes joyful, and every time, she murmured, smiled or frowned.

She thought that she was badly handled by the fate which wanted that she was born and that she still lives in a society which sacrifices the woman give right to the men. The reading of the verses of her loving poet, often woke her feminine nature, more or less close to the reality, and so compensated for the lack of freedom which she wished in the life.

Thousands of the oriental women have a double existence, the one subjected to the social traditions, the other one hidden in their hearts, with their personal feelings, their imagination and their fantasies. I was one of these women..

The gravest of the events, the most shameful also, crossed in that period, was the intervention of one of my cousins, hardly I met him one or two times in all my life, who threatened to kill Ahmed if he continues to visit us. He said that my husband was a weak man, who received at him strange persons, poets, politicians, revolutionaries or other visitors of this kind. He carried, later, this threat in front of Ahmed's face with a pistol in the hand .That poor idiot, ignorant and narro-minded cousin, was proud of his gesture because he défende, according to him, the honor of my family to me!

Naturally, this serious offensive threat, has not prevented Ahmed to come home, after this event; without telling even to anybody what it is crossed ,by assuming only, all responsibility of his visits .He said after this horrible threat: " if I died because of you, I would be the most flattered ! ", while smiling, to reassure me or to console me.

For him, and for me too, the passion must be superior to the consciousness of people, when it acted on an sublime affection as ours..

This last memory so saddened her, that she wanted to go away from realities and from dreams at the same time, and to plunge profounly into the sleep, till morning.



Chapter 3

The sufferings of Damascius

Of her return at home in an old district of Ancient Damascus, Samiha, tired and thrown, contented with eating slightly and she engaged immediately to estimate the situation , which resulted from the negative attitude of Hind, with regard to what she considered good during the interview; so to say to have tried to create some contact between the two beings separated by the fate. She remembers sadly the sentences and expressions, curious and unfortunate, at the same moment, of that poor woman of whom she has just left her
.
The dark memories of both lovers of former days broke her the heart and left the head complétement empty .What a difficult meeting having spent with this mysterious woman ! While she wanted, since the beginning of the conversation with her, by maintaining the lucid spirit, to arrive quickly at a concrete end.

By shaking the head, she stammered: " now it is necessary to think of what I have to say to twins who would impatiently like to find me to know the result of my intervention. Which would be their reaction when they know that I returned with empty hands? I would have preferred to die before accepting this mission! what to make, besides, with the sisters of Hind who will never forgive me, if they are in run of my unfortunate adventure? "

The next day, the hours were long.

When she heard the bell, her heart began to beat hardly. She opened slowly the door and invited both men to enter.

The visit was brief, but the heavy atmosphere was for its highlight when they heard that it was impossible to convince Hind; so that a meeting with the poor poet must be forgotten.

They thought that the failure of the idea to settle the contact between Hind and Damascius, will not destroy, for the moment, their commun plan, because Damascius knew nothing of their project. They considered that in time, following more careful and more effective steps, they can arrive to reunite both . And a new attempt of conciliation would be thus fruitful .Then , they should hope there a great deal of things. They politely thanked their embarrassed missionary, apparently remained touched; then they went out, in grave faces.

Damascius who did not thus know about these efforts He thought about nothingl; always tired of aftereffects of the painful distraction in city, perturbed by the conditions of an unforeseen stay at unknown but pleasant people. He did not know them and still ignored the meaning of their hospitality . So many things to be discovered if he has a little of lucidity in the spirit and the slightest peace of mind in his soul. Anyway, he was at the moment incapable to argue or to understand exactly what it can be said to him.....

Sad, embarrassed, unstable psychologically, as in the first day when both me found him unconscious, almost dead, here is two weeks, three weeks, may be less , may be more, are spent; he remembers nothing. …

In their arrival, he sat snuggled up on a divan in the living room, in close eyes. Doubtless he thought of Hind, even absolutely nothing …

The hope to find all his intellectual abilities was, at least for the moment, very small. One of both brothers wondered if he was put to sleep or woken. The other one rushed to say " what that can make? We leave him as he is and we wake him at noon to eat! ’’

Damascius, half woken, participated in the lunch silently; but He(It) had really, at the beginning of the meal, only a weak appetite, by fighting against the sleep. The face was closed and imprecise as a shadow ; He swallowed what was in his plate, without looking at it.

The meal quickly ended, and the eyes of the poet remained fixed to the ceiling ; the hands, empty of blood, trembled; the back was bent, but he did not make it deliberately. Then he began to murmur and to repeat, melodiously, by shaking the head, the word: "La Damascène" ( Wouman from Damascus), and some incomprehensible sentences.

Two minutes later, both brothers understood that what he pronounced was not of the word but the poetry. They were able to understand the sense of some of his verses, nevertheless scattered and few rythmical:

Help me, City of honor
Of the too grand history
Find me who invaded me
Such your triumphant armies!

Take care of me, Damascus
I am the son of your name
You will be then really kind
With your care and smiles!
The best promised to wait
More than tenderly caring
As the mother and her child!

If, I part and said goodbye
You will bury me in the ground

In the vast of your plains
There where we were happy
Far from the eyes of the curious
Help me then to fly away
In the breezes that she inhaled

Between the sleep and the reveille, the poet wanted only to continue to tell and to relive his love. He murmured: " she always stays far from me as much as stars, even when she is just a step from me ".

Both brothers looked mutually, with has big surprised: " does he guess of our attempt of conciliation and its disappointing negative result?. May be it is here the intuition that the poets are the pioneers ". In fact, all that Damascius wished to say, it is to speak always about his big love; in which the sentences and verses became more clear and decipherable.

In the followinf days, Damascius was much better. He began to organize his thoughts, to answer adequately the composed questions and to make sentences so eloquent as his poems.

Both brothers were delighted to listen to more verses than Damascius makes them the reading. He too, understood that they were attached to the poetry and that they know widely well the poetic and philosophic treasures .

The twins were cultivated, interested by his living in love, and in his literary life, not only by generosity, which the poet had recognized and so admired, but because they were convinced, as honest literary critics, that the real poetic feeling is the one which arisen from the real loving sufferings. Dante, Goethe, Shakespeare, Byron, Hugo, Aragon and several others gave the example.

Damascius, himself, added, that the love can make simple beings, faithful to this noble divine passion which is the love, real poets, in their thoughts and their statements. . On the other hand, a claiming or conceited poet whose heart was never affected by this metamorphosis has no right to pronounce a single word about love! The osmosis will not pass there.

He said to them " The love is not still forged by happy moments, pleasure or enjoyment, but often pain and sadness... Certainly, it is not very cheerful to listen to all the time, groans of a disappointed or unfortunate lover. To see a lover fretting day and night or a poet who soiled his lips of the blood by singing … somebody as me who hid strong feelings in his breast, at middle of his road of pains. But, that's right the love, that is right the poetry.

Damascius the poet, Ahmed the lover, seemed to them, in his hallucinations and his ideas, separated, badly organized, at the top of his feelings. But they are afraid that his tragedy gets bigger, little by little,; that the volcano of his poetry so expressed can weaken his heart, day after day, In time which passes..

By listening to his poems , we imagine scenes of dramatic theater in the progress of deeply moving events, in one opera of Wagner in lyric poems sung enthusiastically and with spiritual commitment . The whole with a strength intellectual, philosophic and poetic almost inhuman, sprung abundantly in the head and in the heart.

He admitted to them that he was shy in the life, but the love gave him a formidable energy in all the domains. it pushed him towards the boldness, the adventure and the challenge; until the moment when the injustice played against him, against his love, against his poetry , against his philosophy, against his ideas and his feelings, as the philosopher ' Damascius ' in Athens, under the emperor Justinien, after the lock of his Academy, and the disappearance of his students! As Dante in Florence, taken in the foams of the fanatic partisans Guelfes( partisans of Popes in Italy), obliged to roam from a city to city …

He contented last years, he says, with dreaming about Hind, with speaking with her image every night, pushed by an internal call inviting him to be bound with her in a world of symbols, mystery, meditation and solitude.

He said " The love is my past, my present and my future. It brings the peace to my soul and to my heart. Because of this love, I like people, birds, trees and flowers. It lets me live in the purity, of the estrangement of Evil and the flight of the material. I am identified with the transparency of the angels in the sky and with the innocence of the children on earth; but I became, finally a defeated man, without power and without future. Remember the love of Romeo and Juliette, Tristan and Isolde, Antoine and Cleopâtra, Kaiss and Layla ; all these stories ended, mercilessly, in the disappointment and the death! ".

... After one minute of silence, he pursued his reflection: "It is true that these lovers celebrated by their tragic troubles, became symbols: they are all still alive in the literature and the memory of people. For some of them , they were forgiven and acquitted of their faults or their acts, the same of the most shocking; For others, nothing. But all this remain bound to their unfortunate fates … Moreover, the differences of colors, races and religions of the lovers, did not forbid the historians or the writers to glorify them, such Otello of Shakespeare in English literature or Antarah El - Aabsi in the annals of Arabic poetry and several examples ; but they finished all by the death. "

He added on this plan: " our society has a double vision as regards the love. It accepts, even appreciates the literary legends of different sorts and the uneven levels on the love and the lovers; Some times the tales popular are full of expressions of raw and unrefined nature, some times, more or less vulgar, more or less dared; but the same society refuses categorically on the ground of reality any love relations against the virtue and the customs; in brief, a " violation of laws and customs " even rapes or prostitutions !…. This society accuses especially the poets, to whom it attributed horrifying qualifications, spread in the public conservative or the fanatic; because these harmful and contagious creatures, act against the religion specifically; they urge the youth to commit the prohibited " al haraam ".

.. That is why, he added, that the lovers of our country live a sort of " psychological emigration " constantly in conflict with the society and its contradictions. They risk some time to see undergoing their punishment or possible humiliation.

Certain societies in the Middle East still exercise, as in the means - age, punishments of the most terrible as the whipping, the stoning, even the capitation of the adulteries, especially the women ; In brief, all that we can impose them old and contemporary punishments.

… It is true that these practices became rare and they are disappearing, but they wake the way we saw certain aspects of love prohibited according to some people , practised actually and secretly according to the others and in the same country!

The alternative of the social assent and the intolerance, the happiness and the sadness, the hope and the disappointment, the obsession and the hesitance, the courage and the fear, the reasoning and the madness; all of this rooted social attitude, almost inchangeable result! ".

Here, Damascius felt even weaker than at the beginning of the conversation, in his capacity to speak and to reflect. Both brothers were also conscious of his state of fatigue, have been suggested to continue the continuation of the subject tomorrow.

" Rest at the moment! ", They said.

He agreed as a child and bent, blindly, over his side. He fell asleep.





Chapter 4


One thousand words of love
Several days were needed so that Samiha can restore her reflections and manage to find the means of analysis of the facts and the words of Hind, the mysterious, to discover the reasons of her failure as, presumed intermediary..

She had the feeling that, herself, has create a space in the begun "scenario", imposed an displacing interval in this tragic story. She nearly made, first of all, the direct and preliminary knowledge of this strange creature of Ahmed / Damascius . A preliminary meeting with the poet, would have allowed her, afterward, to look at the things closer, to clarify the situation and to open the road for the second meeting with Hind.

" I was really ridiculous! She thought so, by playing the marionette or the stupid machine, without soul, without efficiency, in this phase important for the progress of the events!.

That is why she decided, with a strong awareness, to visit the poet, there where he is..

She is going to call, immediately , both brothers and to obtain their agreement to meet Damascius to them.

However, during the phone conversation, they suggested that the meeting will take place only when it turns out that Damascius would be capable of affecting a normal conversation with her, of being able to answer usefully her questions.

She thanked them and was engaged quietly to prepare her plan to act.


________________




The health of the poet effectively improved, and the meeting with Samiha became possible.

In the morning of sunny and pleasant day, Damascius woke up little late, but full of life, with the feeling that his blood found the road in the veins and in the face . The sleep made him clear of the effort provoked on the endless nights of fear and stress, consequence of the fact what the doctors call "melancholy", or, according to him, " of the temporary madness, a certain blocking of brain! "

The first thought which he had, at the beginning of the day, after the good morning coffee, it was that he had to do something, further to this restoring, even relative, of his health. He cannot imagine an even longer stay at foreigners, whatever is the reason.

Thus, he surprised his hosts, at the end of the breakfast, by asking them for the permission to leave, and thanked them for the hospitality during more than a month to them, according to his estimation.

But the brothers were not ready to listen to him, because they still had no occasion to speak with him of Samiha, what she made at Hind, and possibly suggest him a meeting with her, if he wishes it

The problem, it is that they acted without him , in complicity with a woman whom he did not know, about a subject among which neither them, nor Samiha, had the right to approach, without his preliminary agreement. It would be then necessary for them to have enough time to explain to him all this.

He hesitated a lot to accept the meeting with Samiha but he finally gave up as he learnt that she had met Hind ; without giving him more details, especially concerning her presumed role as intermediary who had to, according to the hosts, remain secret for the moment .

- " All right. I am going to delay my departure from your home, if you prefer, but only for single day. I am very mystified , and I thank you once again for all that you made for me .You let me leave later, is not it? " He shyly asked them.

Samiha came the same evening. In fact, she had a lot of difficulty to master her words and control her feelings during the conversation... By listening attentively to her words, Damascius tried to convince himself, under the present circumstances, of the normality of will of Samiha to meet him . Where is the problem? He woundered.

Believing at first that the visit made for Hind had no events of this last time . He presumed that it was simply a convenient meeting between two friends. Moreover, he remembers that Hind had a great deal of knowledge in the past; and it was in the habit of her circle of acquaintances to call her, for fun, " city mayor.

However, he dreaded something; especially when Samiha changed abruptly the subject and spoke about the other thing than this meeting with Hind. She landed, indeed another domain, more exciting maybe, concerning him directly and personally. She said, quite delicately and politely, that a "poet" as him, has to " go out to the world " " set of the air in the city " " to meet people. ' "'To read to them of his poems "!

Damascius found, certainly, that all these comments approached by Samiha were strange, outside subject. For the twins who heard the said sentences, he was an enormous blunder: In fact, he is a simple individual, sensitive cultivated who liked the poetry and that he read his poems in a circle limited by friends . Samiha emphasized so a special situation, touching in a sense the health of the poet; even by going farther, his private life, especially what she had to avoid speaking about his solitude and the estrangement of the society; notably when she pronounced the words " go out to the world " What a blunder? Go out to the world of a destroyed, tired, sick as him?She really exaggerated!

Damascius was too shy in fact to act towards the words of Samiha, seen his delicacy and his courtesy ; but she touched, all the same, his sensibility and damaged him, in a sense .

In fact, both brothers became, excessively embarrassed; because it was them who allowed this meeting, and they regret a lot that Samiha has acts in this way.

One of the brothers intervened to change run of discussion, by suggesting to Damascius reading them one of his poems, because he knew that such proposition would always please him, that the poetry could make him forget everything, it transport him in another universe. He said :

For you, I write melodious verses
I speak to the flowers of fields
Of you, of me, of us the both
Of our old and beautiful time
For our love, I face the death
I go up tops of what is strange
I cry, I fight, to right, to left
And I laughed even of rumor
Of all the gestures and the views
Of Jealous people in the world

The urge to you, which torments me!
It is a storm in my room
And the patience stirs up me
Of sand grains into my eyes
The sky gives only muds
Which cut the age of my rose
The lightning makes me image
Which kills the thoughts of head and heart!

…….and continued the reading of his poems among which most spoke about deep love, mixed by sensual and spiritual feelings; in brief, thousands of the expressions of love for the only woman, Hind, naturally..

Both brothers flew away in the heavens of the poetic ecstasy and asked Damascius for more his poems.

During a small interlude, Samiha wanted to return on load face to face of Poet . She arrived, finally, at the main purpose of what she envisaged of this meeting, it means to include the real causes of the attitude of Hind to refuse any contact with the poet, then try to raise to the second phase : The conciliation between two old lovers.

In spite of the careful glances, even reserved and alarming of both brothers, Samiha did not give up her intentions to begin the approach !

Abruptly, the poet stopped to speak and threw a very naive question to Samiha: " because you know well Hind. I guess she spoke about me, during your last appointment. Does she remember indeed of me? "

Samiha said into her head: " here is the wished and decisive moment which arrives! "

She gave him the answer with a very serious air: " she even told me that she always keeps all the poems which you wrote for her ".

Samiha was very satisfied in a simple and direct way about which she heard Damascius saying , what it encouraged, in succession, to ask him to tell more details of Hind ., personally …

He answered her :

. " She was of an intelligence, a culture, a literary taste and a fine sense of political and social analyses, very developed. She also had perspectives of the avant-garde, as a wouman, in lucider view than the men have. All this, moreover, with cheerfulness and serenity at the same moment.

‘’She laughed piercingly at stupid or reactionnary ideas, which were emanated from the men or the women, the friends or the foreigners. … She mixed the logic of her words with the irrational of her loving feelings. Her rather cold tranquillity In her appearance was based on the permanent eruption of a volcano hidden in her breast; Her comments joke never seemed against the acuteness of her acts, and the serenity of her behavior; Only God can know of what she thought or of what she felt !

But with me, she was devoted, soft and transparent. Her glan anaesthetized me as the touch of a maternal hand on the front of a child who cried. Her deep and reassuring voice filled my ears and my heart.. ..... Her letters and notes, dense and punctual, had the elegant writing and the intense and clear contents.

Every time she approached me, to speak to me or whispered in my ears, I had the feeling that the life was reduced only to the present time , nothing crossed before us, nor a future in front of us; but the moment of happiness and peace that we lived.

Merry comment out her lips;
That is the love ecstasy !

Behind a sweet tone of her words
Words of love in a beautiful lyric
What a harmony in her thoughts!
What a lovely latent talent!

I saw only sweetest smiles
I heard only echos and sigh
Feelings kept for my enjoyment

She was very far from the predictions and the dreamy expectations. Her logical realism could annoy each, let him meditate and treflect; but it appeared always, that she was right, after all ; that she was right and that her relevant attitudes always brought me to the edges of the safety. Her justified significant gestures and her available smiles all the time, fascinated me; her capacity of listening and participation, always gave me confidence and enriched me of morale and hope.


- " Was she beautiful of body also? " Said Samiha.

Maybe, she would ask him so to express, to present very intimate, very personal revelations. Now, when she throw a question like that, very feminine moreover, to somebody in circumstances and current state of the poet, we wonder if she did not lose the head; but, he did not seem disturbed or intimidated by such question. On the contrary, he liked speaking about all things which can concern his beloved creature.

He said : " For me, she was the most beautiful women to the world, but I looked at her only with the eye of the imagination of a loving poet: the brightness of his dark eyes; her lips remaining half-opened after every sentences, ready to make a smile or an exclamation; her small breast which rose and fell in accordance with her comments. All that are real or virtual images which rose in my head and often transported me in another world; to the point that she said several times: " Do you listen to me or not! You are looking at me only " and I became rather shameful and embarrased !. "

" When she walked in the street, her light and fast steps, her look of a woman so pressed, did not leave to people , curious or eager for feminine charm, any chance to have the time to contemplate the face or to measure her body ! She got dressed almost all the time in black colour, what gave to her silhouette an incredible charm and a pleasant thinness. She was very proportionned by the body and always very elegant, in spite of her selected choice of the simplest clothes . And so she usually kept a distinguished appearance, easy to recognize by far! ".

" As she usually had smiling features, an aesthete can distinguish, from a great distance, her face cheered up by smiles much more that if she had the face flat or wrinkled, a rare phenomenon in her case! "


Samiha, seduced by this meticulous description outside common, she wanted to continue the listening, but she thought that she would need to pursue better, relentlessly, her investigation, not to lose the occasion.

She said to him, her glances furtive being afraid of a new reaction of the twin brothers:

" You have well spoken about her character and her beauty, but what was her personal attitude face to face of love, strictly speaking, as an oriental woman? "

He answered with a composed, little entangled air:" it was I who had invited her to enter the universe of love, to participate with me the favours which the nature and the creativity granted us for a better existence. It was as well that she felt justified, as an oriental woman, to have the quality and the virtue of a really loving woman. ", then he sang, while fixing the eyes to the face of Samiha who bit slightly her lips:

Do you believe that the love is not pure?
That the tears of the lovers were veins?
Their appeal to the happiness, was it insult?
That Satan, in the vice, drove them indeed?

See birds getting closer
And by beaks, and by wings
The flowers which are bound
Rising under swallows flight

Nothing is made without love
And the angels in the sky
As kisses, smiles, in return
And the flutte which sang in place


The angels come from super God
Granted them the good promise
With all the lovers of the earth
That will deprived of distress


‘’That's right the love Samiha! It is the foundation of the life, the reproduction, the expansion of the religions, the muses of man in various arts: painting, music, literature, poetry. If the oriental woman makes the exception as regards the love, in some of its aspects, physical included, and she nearly wants or feels the tendency to participate in it, amply and profoundly, it was not, mostly, her fault. It is the men who assume the responsibility, and in return, they will be the same who assume the consequences. They would be deprived, actually, of the real, honest and durable tenderness of their women!

After his reflection, Damascius remained silent during some minutes. He thought especially of the fate which the social order had reserved for Hind, as most of the wives, in the very conservative circles. …

- " Why are you thus separated? " Samiha threw so her dynamite which should extract the reality of the inmost depths of the poor poet.

Both brothers were stunned, but Samiha, had to, according to her, achieve the final aim by all the means.

Ahmed sighed, and remained immovable some moments; it was not to reflect about an answer adequate to his too talkative interlocutor in fact, but to listen to his internal pains which began to move in his breast.

He had ache badly, as an wounded child. He was incapable, indeed, to continue the conversation, without showing his pains. Samiha had to leave places, two minutes later, with the unsympathetic glances of both brothers and an innocent and brief smile of the poet...
And the meeting wished with Hind?
It stayed in the interrogative clause for the moment.




Chapter 5


Two broken hearts


Both brothers hosts tried after the departure of Samiha to prolong the stay of Damasius to them, even for two or three days, the time which it is necessary to tempt something that their faithful friend, Samiha, was not able to make. But the poet insisted, with all the dignity of a man of certain culture and good education, to leave places, because he has now, to his opinion, the autonomy of will and the capacity to act..

The climate at this moment was really heavy and sad.. The twins stayed in the embarrassment. They drew with Samiha a precise plan to move closer two persons separated by the incontinent power of the fate, and to collect the fragments of the torn life of these old lovers. Then, if he goes now without leaving of address, how can they find him later? What will they say to Samiha who expected from them for an answer, if they lost his tracks?

What worried them moreover, it was that they knew nothing about the question of the personal resources of life of Damascius, for the immediate at least. They overestimated that he had, doubtless, enough money when he returned of Canada; How could buy his plane ticket?

This question of money was not called by him during his stay, only once when he said that he was not any more interested in this material world and it for a long time ; But that did not mean that he had nothing to survive, even the bare minimum, to satisfy the preliminary needs of existence, especially to avoid starving.

Only, when he perceived that he has a new suit and a beautiful tie, he said that he did not remember that he had recently bought something, nor how much he paid. Naturally, the twins said nothing that they were gone together to buy these clothes, and that it was them who paid in the box, by imagining that he had only these clothes on him, become wrinkled, a little bit dirty.

The appearances remained all the same mysterious. Damascius, according to them, led effectively a double life, at least since he came at them ; He is a very uneven man; when he is well awakened , he is almost normal, only his memory remains failing for the things that he considered them, unconsciously doubtless, little important; but when he is reached by his crises of stress, he becomes another creature; He forgot to shave, to eat, to change his clothes from time to time, to know how to listen to people, to speak to them reasonably, to make a decision about something; In brief, to exercise all that a common person could make, deliberately or automatically, in the life.

They eventually, all the same, before he left, had the courage to propose him, very delicately, some money. He showed them no emotional reaction of embarrassment, nor a feeling of humiliation; on the contrary, he had the indifferent air; not the simple surprise, not the simple anxiety.. Indeed, he took this proposition as a very familiar gesture of friendship; he calmly answered them that he had enough money; because, he had already obtained a certain reparation when he left his work in Canada; and when he arrived in the country, he has never thought that there will be a lack of money, for a long time. The situation now is always the same, because he did not spend a lot since his arrival; That does not put, thus, problems either for the present, or for the future. He did not dare to show to his hosts that he usually had his portfolio as everybody, but they did not doubtless perceive it. He added that his two parents regrettably died during his absence and that he learnt these sad news only after his return. In fact, he had not given them of address, nor to anybody, moreover . But he wrote only to them among all the close relations or the friends lived in the country during his previous life.

He also said to his hosts that there is, doubtless, some procedures of inheritance and, maybe, some cases to be settled with the administration; but he will make nothing for the moment. If necessary, he could appoint a lawyer to liquidate the succession and finish all the necessary formalities..

He finally said to them before leaving: " All this is superficial. I am not so interested in the money. You know? "

He left them by smiling, after promising them to give his news , very soon.

_________


The next days, both twins tried, in vein, to forget the recent memories and the feelings of the stay of the poet which were aroused in their quiet existence. They were single, lived together, studied together, went out together, for a long time; but in special conditions of deliberated solitude, dedicated, except the working time, in the readings and the cultural entertainments, in the readings and the cultural entertainments...

They phoned to Samiha to announce her the unexpected departure of Damascius from their home. They also spoke about the promise in the readings and the cultural entertainments...

They phoned to Samiha to announce her the unexpected departure of Damascius from their home. They also spoke about his promise to inform them about the evolution of the events, In spite of he has nothing precise or planned for the future. Samiha answered them that she was so disappointed; but she assured them that she will remain always available to make something if they needed her.

Three months later, the twins read under the column of the news items of a newspaper, which a man of about fifty years tried to terminate his life, by absorbing very strong painkiller, in a small hotel of the Ancient City, and which he was immediately saved.

" He could be him ", said one of the brothers with an alarming air; the other, more quiet, suggested acting having thought well: where is it necessary to inquire infotmation and, of which title? Relatives, close parents, simple friends? Where it is necessary to look for, if he went out of emergencies? They wished, especially, that he had not left the city, had not entered an unknown hospital, a distant district, they needed to find his tracks at once, before disappearing definitively in Damascus, a city of three and half-million inhabitants, where he wanted to meet nobody of the past.

In several streets of the Ancient City, they questioned the owners of houses, the caretakers of the numerous hotels, about the passage of a man called Damascius, name or first name, they did not know! ! Nobody gave an affirmative answer.

They settled questions in several formulae to the other persons in streets: passengers, storekeepers, young people, old men..... around the accident undergone by a fifty-year-old man by describing more or less well the person but the answer was always the same: " we knew nothing about him, especially about a name like that! or :'' We did not perceive a type of this kind in the district! ".

Regrettably, the people are not interested to remember the faces of the misled individuals, when they are bizarrely dressed, of a too commonplace look, especially for those who are foreign, out to their district. . Some time, they chase away them downright and unceremoniously. These miserable are in most of the cases, scoffed, broken or offended …

If it is the case of Damascius ; they regretted that they had not asked to him for his complete name of origin, especially his family name ; because they have never thought during his stay to them, that they would have one day need of these details, to avoid that he would know one similar fate.

It is possible that he has no close relations in the city after the death of his parents, that he never had children or grandchildren. Anyway he did not speak about offspring generally..

Besides, maybe that he does not remember his real name, and that he gives only the pen name, "Damascius"; then there, that would be the height, because nobody would recognize him of this name, under this Greek naming, in all the city.

Most of the unfortunates of his kind, forget in their miserable storms, not only their names; but also all the details which can help to discover their identity .

One of the twins commented : " All this is because of this woman who loved him, of the break with her that result the complaints and the sorrow. The other one answered at once: " but that is another subject. Let us be allowed In our problem of searches now; and enough pessimism and useless complaints. I forbid you to invent arguments, pretexts or ideas so raved and sceptical. Let us not forget that we have some more possibilities. We have knowledge of time, possibly still alive some close relations, if they exist, to get details of his identity Here is the method to act, at the moment, in a practical and fruitful way! "

" In fact ", he pursued his reflections " we were selfish until now. We looked in him only for the poetic side, what interested us only by neglecting completely his person, his identity.. It was for us a simple collection of poems or a literary work. Untied from the reality of the concrete world; a dream thus, not a real subject of human dimensions. You forgot, doubtless, of what he said to us, once, the love does not smile to the selfish people? We are thus selfish men and we do not know the love! "

They directly went after this long brotherly discussion, towards the shop where works Samiha, without warning her even before, seen the gravity of the situation, according to them. She was not surprised with their arrival, in this way unexpected and strange, in work's hours . She knew that they will return to meet her, one day or the other one, about Damascius and his problematic events..

- " We want to know certain details of his past, to find his tracks as a matter of urgency. He is in trouble now and it is our duty all, not to let him die in the solitude, undergo annoy physical or moral furthermore . We do not want to feel responsable of thankless, after all what he offered us of his soul and his heart. It is a man of passion, of extreme sensibility, of noble and pure values.. It is necessary to save him "

- " I indeed understand you; but the only source of information stays Hind, herself, and possibly her sisters. But, the first one did not want to retie the contact with him, and I suppose that she wanted to remain quiet and not to answer the questions . It remains to try with her sisters, but I cannot guarantee you the result, because they still keep the hatred and the distrust to him. They will only be negative on this subject. But I know certain things which can help you in your searches . I have no time now to speak about all this matter . Come this evening to my house and we shall discuss all the possible solutions. " . Both twins made her a smile as in answer to this proposition which cheered up the faces.

In the evening, Samiha reassured them little on the future, by revealing certain secrets as she had listened on the tongue Hind's sisters or by other persons. " Certainly, she said, the past gives us some indications: the link between both lovers lasted three years about; now, it was, for both, a sort of parallel life; each with his partner, husband or wife, and his professional life;
; But they lived at the same time their feelings of love hidden from everybody, except for a very reduced number of the friends, chosen minutely between those who frequented them in the conjugal circle! ".

" They had also, secret places, reserved for their short-lived meetings, either in walks on feet alone, or during interviews organized hastily in the places of residence of their selected common friends . All this was of the distant time past now; especially that their relations with their friends, ran in slow motion last months of their love, there is already more than ten years old!

" In fact, their meetings had become short and spaced out, and these rare privileged friends who knew their story, went away from them, that was by fear of her husband or the members of both in-laws relations in run of what they called "scandal" of the period or for other personal reasons; what makes very difficult to find them now ".

" Concerning the sisters of Hind, there is nothing to hope. They had practiced, moreover, in this period, a sort of blocking to their sister by controlling permanently her daily private life and same her friends or her guests, by surprised visits or by endless phone calls.. They continued to make that during long years; and they are now capable of returning at once to these austere and stifling processes, as soon as they learn the return of Ahmed. Once they said to Hind : " we are going to pursue the shadows of this cursed poet everywhere, to denounce him to the police, to extract the eyes, to offend him and to kill him!"

" The poor woman badly liked by her sisters and by her husband; implied or accused, rightly or wrongly, spent a difficult year, between the time of the discreet break with Ahmed and the marriage of her husband. She was not only besieged in her place of residence, but also qualified by her sisters, with obnoxious terms, as " recalcitrant wife " or "abandoned" under the circumstances; because she committed, according to them, acts capable of letting her undergo the consequences of what they called " capital sin of adultery " without check and without respect of the person ; by basing all mainly on rumours.

" She was so afraid, this time there: fear for him, much more than for herself. As a consequence, she decided to spare Ahmed to pay only the heavy duty of their relation which was, in the time, almost platonic; because, at the beginning, she had with him only a privileged sympathie, a relation of admiration and condolence. It is true that this distinguished relation was transformed later, because of the repetitive faults of her husband and her sisters, into an emotional sentimental link, without having had, at this stage also, physical contacts If we exclude rare kisses on the face or, several times, by clandestine diversion, and very rarely, on the mouth.! " " She so lived, during the last phase of the common life with her husband, in an unbearable climate of distrust, dizain, negligence and continuous fights, several times, without any relationship with this story of boycott with Ahmed .

She finally had to terminate any contact at home with the poet, and refrain, once for quite, to meet him, even outside, at the friends or in the street "

" The height it was that her husband, who had married a second woman, little exceptional, but always valid and possible, legally and religiously, without preventing anybody, refused the divorce from her . Hind begged indefatigably to him to release her, in vein. He had remained independent with his new wife, whereas Hind kept the origin place of residence of the marriage "

" Indeed, her husband did not accept the divorce, voluntarily and inequitably, because he wanted to take advantage completely of the applicable rules of law and of customs of the country allowing the polygamy, with all that it could produce arbitrary and unrefined abuses for the woman! "

" Now, as lawyer of profession, he found also the means, with the collusive sisters, to visit regularly Hind, even in her place of residence where she stayed after the marriage of the husband, what was legal also, without daring, all the same, to ask for sexual relations with Hind who, by justifiable reaction of self-esteem and dignity, announced him her absolute refusal In spite of the polygamy grants him this physical right.

" I heard certain persons, not from Hind's sisters , that after the marriage of the husband, of some months, both lovers had secret meetings of new, and the same of the sexual relations; but we did not know either the situations of these meetings, or the places to take place to them "

" The very cunning husband, even if he suspected the eventuality of these secret meetings, continued to exercise his customs of the regular contact with Hind, without reacting as the other husbands in that case of suspicion of infidelity, to part from her, because of prolonged separation. Another deceptive immoral process, to prevent Hind, in all the conditions and for ever, from joining her lover, with a justifiable remarriage! ".

" As for the poor poet, the completely discouraged, had to disappear from the city not to still hurt Hind, because of their link become definitively compromising. He wanted, especially, to avoid provoking a situation , more and more characterized by legal complications and by various prolonged fight between Hind and her family "

" We learnt, two or three months later, that he went at first in Europe where he stayed some years then in Canada to work in a French company over there "

" Hind continued to live, piously and sadly, after this painful end of her relation with Ahmed, without keeping any remonstrance or rancor, neither to her husband, nor with her sisters. She even asked a her niece, with the approval of her sisters, naturally, to live with her; it was inevitably beneficial for two reasons:
not remain alone on one side, and annihilate all the prejudices, the suspects or the rumours of certain people or close relations or foreigners, on the other side "

"That is why", Samiha repeated, " she avoided that both sisters suspect the eventuality of some contact, all the edges, by all the communications means with Damascius, who had already left, even by letters. As for the young niece who always accompanies her, it is sure that she would say nothing of all which passed with her aunt if it had knowledge of something, either to the sisters or to the other persons, because it liked her aunt and she would never be bad with her "

Samiha arrived at a conclusion:

" Anyway, I prefer, for the moment, to contact nobody. I suggest you not trying, especially for the moment, to see Hind again . It is necessary to know at first when is Damascius and to ask him if he agrees that we see Hind. In these conditions only, I can go to her and approach all what you want to say; but this time there, with one of yourself, because you know better that me the events of the existence of Damascius, this last time; you appreciate better his thoughts; you understand him better concerning his intentions and statements, especially his capacities to make important decisions concerning his life. Etc…etc… "

" So, we can know definitively the final attitude of Hind and the fate of Damascius! "

" Somewhere else, there will be no problem at present for Hind concerning our possible visit, if you consider it good, because I learnt that she obtained for certain years the right to have visit by every person, except Ahmed, following the last will of her jealous husband, but she ended by abandoning specially the requirements of her merciless sisters who gave in so with the advanced age of their sister and the interruption of the news of Damascius being in Canada, certainly, for a long time. "

One of both twins answered affirmatively by underlining the other one with the hand: " Youssef is going to accompany you at her. He knows better how to speak than me. Samiha found curious this difference between the twins, because people take them usually as the only person, in two different bodies! It doesn't much matter all this.

Both brothers left, having assurance of Samiha to inform them, as soon as possible, about any evolution and quite other possible information.

The ball is now in the hands of Samiha.



Chapter 6

The world is my homeland


Once, in the morning, at about seven o'clock, before leaving to the work, Samiha wanted to have Youssef by telephone, but it was the other brother who answered ; It doesn't much matter, she simply meant to both brothers that she had a new idea to discuss before resorting to the meeting proposed with Hind.

" Yesterday evening, I passed by the district placed enter Bab Touma (door of saint Thomas) and Bab Charki ( east Door) and met a Christian friend who lived near the big Orthodox Church of holy Marie, long years previously. . She had worked, in the same district, as bookkeeper with a trading company of witch the name looked like that of the company where Hind worked, and she still works. Luckily, I learnt of this lady that both companies belonged, in the period, to the same group "

" Then I thought that she would, maybe, have met Hind one day in the premises of this group. With my big surprise, she confirmed me, that she remembers, indeed, this first name, and she had seen this woman once by far, in the office of a colleague, discussing with him an affair of accounting . She found her beautiful and elegant, but she had not had with her of professional contacts. Same evening, she perceived her in the surroundings of the church, walking with a foreign man in the district.

" One week later, she saw them, both, once again, at the same moment and in the same place; then, every week, it was the same thing. Their look and the regular frequenting of their meetings in the district, gave her the impression that they were credibly two lovers who met in these places, far from the other districts, to avoid people whom they knew and to hide their relation "

" During the next month, she perceived them, still twice , near the chapel built in the ancient wall of Damascus, where exists even now the famous window of saint Paul, saved by the population of Damascus from capture of his Roman enemies . Then, she never met them "

" Indeed, having heard what the lady told me , I guess that it would be possible that we find Damascius in these same places of the Christian district; as for example, the chapel of saint Paul or the other monuments of the side, generally frequented by foreign tourists. We never know about that ; Perhaps Damascius comes, too, to visit these places, to vander and by nostalgia "

Both twins found brilliant this idea of Samiha, although the realization asks more of time; but, they should not neglect any hypothesis which can lead them to Damascius.

All three of them began, together several times, separated in the others, as from this day there, their search starts seriously in the Christian district, almost daily, at different o'clock according to their work's intime.

Once, both brothers were under the window of saint Paul, and they perceived one nun of certain age coming to go out of the chapel. They approached her to ask if she had seen, accidentally, a man with the characters which they briefly described her .Then nun changed, at once, the direction by turning back and invited the twins to rise in the chapel to speak about the reserched man.

The nun was, indeed, of an extreme kindness and had dense one culture. She told them that she crossed this man, some weeks ago, sat on a yard bench inside of the chapel. She asked him if she could give him some information onto these famous places. He gave at first his name of "Damascius"; what attracted the curiosity of the nun. This name, Damascius, she wondered, is not used in common at the moment, which resounds ancient Greek; at least not in this district.

- " Nobody is called here '' Damascius ", she said, but she thought that he wanted, maybe, to remind the philosopher Greek lived under Justinien, in the sixth century!

He understood well the allusions of the nun, but he has firmly
answered: " Sister, my name is Damascius; I have not another name! "

" I found that very curious, she had added, but I did not insist. I asked him if he indeed wanted to accompany me inside the chapel where we began a long discussion about several subjects which touched the religion generally, the justice and the tolerance, the history of civilizations and other different subjects …. He gave me the impression, in the development of his subjects, that he was clearly influenced by the Platonic neo-philosophy and that he embodied in a sense Damascius, himself , who taught this discipline in Athens and in Alexandria, more than fourteen centuries ago! "

" He said to me that he was not really a religious man, but somebody spiritual, no more; and he quoted me a sentence of the Epistle to Romans " those who live according to the flesh, wish what is carnal; ; those who live according to the spirit, they are spiritual ''. That is why, he said, that he was a follower of the statements of ibn Ärabi on the unity of the faith and the equality between the religions, and the unique intellect " of Averroès. He also called " the theology of the love ", ", dear at the Christian moralizers, the " divine love! " of the Sufism of Ibn El Färed the spirituality according to Al-Fârâbî (died in Damascus in 950) and from the other ill-assorted but interesting subjects: Dante's " divine Comedy ", , les péripéties malheureuses de Galilée, abjuré devant l’Inquisition … » the unfortunate events of Galilee, renounced in front of the Inquisition … "

" He especially spoke about what binds the man to his Creator. He said that this love to god is based on the confidence which the man expresses by the worship, and that he admits, consequently, the fate or the divine will which the Creator imposes him , otherwise hewill not find the peace in his heart. It is called "faith" and it is not different under the eyes of all the religions.! " He added " that this universal love to god was not the work of a single religion, a single seer. It is the product of the consciousness and the human culture developed through the consecutive births of the old civilizations of Mesopotamia it is the product of the consciousness and the human culture developed through the consecutive births of the old civilizations of Mesopotamia, and the other more former civilizations still in Syria, in Palestine, and in the Arabic peninsula. ! the later evolution under Athens' City and the Roman empire, then in the Moslem world it opened the door in Europe to continue the progress which was only the continuation of the first principles! ".

" For me, as religious, what he said on the religion and the philosophy, it was that this man did not separate between his homeland, which is according to him what we call geografically: Arabia Land, small and big, Of which Syria is a part, since several thousand years, and the rest of the world. He said " It is on the land was born the trilogy of the monotheist religiosities. Three sacred books quoted or described the main regions, big cities and various peoples or tribes which lived on this civilized ground. Was not the Genesis which had said that the Tiger and the Euphrates are both arms of the river of Eden? It was not Jerusalem which was crowned by the Koran, in a first stage, as the Qibla of the Moslems. It was not in this city where did Mahomet make his night-journey (From Mecca to Jerusalem)? Was not Araméen spoken in Palestine and Syria, which was the language of Jesus? Was not saint Paul who took the road of Damascus, saved later from his rivals, who established in a few years later, the Christian Church, and the Christianity? Were not the Moslem Arabic translaters and commentators of Greek, Persian and hindoues philosophies , who passed on in Europe the most important of the experiences of human mind of the Antiquity? "

" On the other hand, he concluded, in the setting sun of the Arabic civilization in Spain and in the East, the western world began to return what it had learnt and developed, itself, during the Renaissance, the biggest part of the human inheritance towards this region and in the whole world? "

" Thus, for him, his homeland became the world, of the same spirit as Damascius, Greek Christian, when he wanted to teach the philosophy the heathen and the Jews, not only the Roman. "

" This original mentality of a universal dimension, respecting the freedom of the spirit and the faiths, and the equality between the peoples to grow rich of the knowledge, let me admire this exceptional man . Then, he came to see me twice later, but I smelt during the last conversations, that he
had become rather pessimistic, and a little tired physically "..

When the nun learnt by the twins that Damascius this man whom she admired was recently a victim of an incident and what he was immediately hospitalized, she had a tear with eyes.

Both brothers have after this interesting interview with the nun, continued their indefatigable initiative researchs in the district, the same day of this spiritual interview and the next days, but they found nothing tracks of the disappeared poet.

On the contrary, Samiha had more chance. Once, she perceived Damascius, by stepping over the bordering boulevard of the wall of Damascus, walking near the chapel of saint Paul, with a book under the arm and dark glasses on eyes. Samiha accelerated steps to catch up him, before taking up the staircases which lead to the chapel.

Damascius, by turning to her, he recognized her at once. He politely asked her of her news His face was very marked by the aftereffects of the last incident; his cold and osseous hand trembled when he greeted her; his glances which he reserved her were a little misled, which indicated clearly that hewas not restored yet..

She suggested him accompanying him at her to take a coffee. She clarified him that the place of residence of her parents, where she lives, is not very far from the Christian district; what allows them to chat a little during the route. Damascius did not refuse this proposition; on the contrary, It seemed satisfied to see her again and to listen to her as the last time, at the twins. By accompanying him at her, through the alleys which he knew well since his old walking with Hind; he said :

" She came in our meetings, as an angel sent by the sky to bring me the love of the God, make me feel the perfume of the paradise, show me the charm of the universe … She laughed of any obstacles, any limits, any borders.

I saw her pressing the steps, along roads
Take refuge with her secret, by fear, doubtless
The mauve shadows of the alleys of Damascus

All, adventures remember which exceed us
The memories will never replace the truth
And the so lived past we make drunk

‘’She was afraid only of the stranger, the evil hidden in the nasty, suspicious and harmful spirits, those damned enemy of the lovers . She looked for me, sometimes, without preventing me even, acting wherever and whenever, if she found that this surprise would give me of the enjoyment or the pleasure .

" Once, for example, I attended in a poetic evening in the university. The courtroom, too big, contained only a limited public espechially , a sort of elite, dark and distant, and certain old professors. . Au cours d’une lecture attentivement écoutée par les auditeurs dans le calme absolu qui régnait dans la salle, j’ai entendu deux petites cliques d’un escarpin féminin dernier un paravent en bois posé devant l’entrée de la salle ; During a reading attentively listened to by the auditors in the quiet absolute which reigned in the room, I heard two small cliques of a feminine shoe behind a folding screen composed of wood in front of the entrance of the room; I turned the head; I perceived nobody. Two other claques later, and it was her! Hind, herself, hidden behind the folding screen. I saw only her small feet with black low-fronted shoes, through a narrow crack at the bottom of the folding screen .

" During our walks, we stopped several times, in popular lanes, to look at various aspects of the daily life of the inhabitants ..

" We were happy during these derisory, temporary and little important moments, because, the main part, were to create the occasion to see us and see us again in situations of the simplest!

" Our long more serious discussions, around the politics, about the common intellectual subjects, the music, the social behavior of the women and the men etc. must be only reserved for our meetings at home with my husband and the friends. There, Hind was transformed into a pleasant interlocutor who knew how to listen to, and participate splendidly and attentively in the debates.

" Our ideas and our points of view on the various subjects were convergent, never contradictory! We liked the same songs, appreciate the same writers , the same poets, believe in even ideological or religious principles. We were a whole, under the aegis of the love and of the reason.

" I saw in her the whole universe: the spring in her smiles, the sun in her cheered up face, the storm in her temporary angers. An air freshly crossed under warm autumn clouds, as her frankness and her pleasant jokes!

" The alchemy of the spiritual and sensual in my contact with the life and the world, came true by symbols sprung from the profound of our emotion and understanding of the love: the consciousness of the realities of the creation, the cosmic harmony, the soul of the relations with the others, and those between the human beings and the intellectual and philosophic conceptions .

" Amazed always by her soul and by her charm, I asked how many gods so that she belongs to me only; I lived only looking forward to this day! .

" … Even when I left Damascus and travelled in the other countries My heart and my reason lived with her all the time, during my movements, years after years, until my return in my country. "

" She was the world for me, my homeland to me, all my existence.. An ocean of feelings, of passions; a divine muse! "

" We were envied by every men and women whom we knew, same of the friends of the most close, because we were incomparable symbol lovers, uncommon, one couple bound by this sacred pact, as if the love did not exist before us.. "

Samiha wanted to cry, to lament, but she hid her tears in front of him, fear of increasing his pains.

In their arrival to her, Samiha phoned at once to both twins to announce the good news to find Damascius.




Chapter 7


Light of hope


Platon said " is it exactly easy matter to know oneself? "

The love story of Damascius and Hind, was not one enigma, really had no singular, did not arouse the exaggerated surprise, either for their events, or the successively evolved events; consequently, nothing very different of the courtship which describe the tales and novels. But the psychology of each of them, influenced by their social and cultural conditions, made the main axis, the center of interest of this love complex whom they lived. In all the heart affairs between men and women on our planet, there are sufferings, tortures, sorrow, sacrifices, various complaints, in words and in tears.

There is, on the other hand, in the love, as much as we feel , moments of happiness, some enjoyment and some pleasure, when the fate pretends to smile to the lovers.

Is it the case, at the moment, for Hind and Damascius, after years of separation and estrangement, one of the other one? Could the happiness of past return one day? A past of love is always a living past indestructible in the human annals of this sublime passion.

The meeting between Samiha and Damascius on one side, and both twins on the other side took place well the next day.

The discussion was begun seriously, once the four persons ended their gossip around the circumstances of refinding of Damascius. They were so satisfied to create a group of united friends gathered perfectly around closer ideas..

Youssef was the first one to speak, but he pronounced majorities on the friendship and the accommodation; his brother reminded the various events that they faced since the beginning of their knowledge, since the acceptance welcomed well by Damascius to stay temporarily at home. Youssef confirmed the time when they passed with him, allowed them precious exchanges of ideas around so many subjects, without forgetting the pleasant time spent in the listening his poems and his interesting intellectual reflections.

Damascius listened to Youssef without reactions of his part; only, he expressed, in front of the good intentions and the generosities of these three new friends, his gratitude by a fast smile hardly drawn on the face; but Youssef wanted to go farther, supported by a collusive glance in Samiha. He began by asking him how he spent time after his exit of the hospital.

The poet answered with a real serenity, that he was not alone; he met people, spoke with them in cafes, some time on the pavement, or in shops , to discern with them of the life, the society, sometimes of the death, and mostly the love; by singing or no poems, by speaking very rarely about his movements abroad.

It rose to the spirit of Youssef which there was at the beginning of the last century, a popular poet of Iraqi origin, who had the same intellectual behavior as Damascius, and made the same routes as him , in the same way of that poet having lived in Bagdad then came to Damascus. He was called Ahmed Al Sâfi Al Najafi. This big poet, become famous in the arabic literature , remains a symbol of purity of poets devoted to their talented expression on things of life, in all honesty with a great deal of clarity and wisdom . He remembered even of his quatrains of verses teaching the wisdom and the philosophic intuition close to the taste of the public, published in literary reviews and, sometimes, on popular diaries!


On the other hand, Samiha remained stunned and sad, with the tearful eyes, having listened to this revelation of Damascius, who roamed in the streets of the city.

Damascius says that he could not do without speaking about love, all the time, because the love allows him to elaborate in his head the visions of world and men , of God who looks at us and who judges ! Hind is, for him the muse and the partner of road; nobody can see her next to him; an indispensable mirror for his reflections, his meditation or his speech. She is in him when he walks, when he speaks to people, when he sleeps and when he wakes up!

He continued to speak about her, that she misses him; She is the existence, of soul and spirit, that matters for him

At this moment there, Youssef said : " you do not wish to retie the link with her, to see her closer to you? "

Damascius did not move of a thumb. He shook the head and answered that Hind is alive with him, in his veins and his heart, and he refuses, to beg for a concrete and physical contact with her. The society prevented them from meeting; neither him, nor her is responsible for the break who settled down between them.

" It is our fate! " He said, with a firm and stubborn air.

- " But if Hind, herself, wished to see you, will refuse - you her, proposition? "

Damascius answered that he never refused what she would say, but he knows well Hind, her self-esteem, Her sublime pride and obsession when she is convinced of something!

Samiha then intervened:

- " Only let us ask her the question

- " No. I would never ask for the pity of anybody. She, even and I too, had no this custom during all our life of friends of former days. But if you insist, all the same, I let you free act. "

It is decided: a single brother, Youssef accompanied with Samiha, will owe to go to Hind.

Samiha went far to her hope and imagined Hind satisfied with receiving them, offered them a wide smile, and said to Youssef, presented as friend of Damascius, that she was delighted to know him!.... And everything was well later, and the mission is perfectly realized…

Regrettably! Nothing is not passed spent like she wished!

She learnt by telephone, that she had directly picked up, after their decision, that Hind was suffering, with a very high temperature that she could receive nobody at the moment.

Damascius remained silent, the heart tight, sad and worried . He reflected some moments; then he says to them, almost sobbing:

" Light of image, I saw it in the shadows
Waking the memories of the past …
As an angel, noiseless crossed
The door remained opened, it made dark

Went to my terrible bed minutely
Steps roguish, a little fragile
And here is her silhouette and her profile
On the face as a smile of the spring

She kissed me on cheeks and on front
And I felt the brilliance of her body
But at one go, she leaves me and went out
Leaving me deeply agonies! "

Two minutes later, he got up to leave. He embraced very briefly all three and promises to contact them in the next days..

Samiha called Hind two days later . She got her on the phone directly this time; but, the communication was very short. Hind says that she always has the high temperature, and has to continue to rest some time. She says at the end of the communication that she allows to maintain once again with her, but she prefers that the meeting will take place, at least in a week later, as soon as she will feel better..

Damascius did not stop, the next days, phoning to Samiha to take news on the health of Hind. He insisted that she goes to see her, not to speak a priori about other matter, but to feel reassured of her health recovery .

One day, Samiha called Hind; but, regrettably, she fell on one of her sisters who interrogated her at once: " how do you know we are here? How do you know the phone number of Hind? Since when do you koow our sister? Why do you want to speak to her, and about what? Why.. Why.. "

Then, Samiha was very annoyed, she answered her that she passed two or three times to them these last days, but they were not there. She thus looked in the phone book, for the phone number of Hind to ask of their news. The sister seemed convinced ; She says to her that Hind is very sick, that they had come to her head and will stay at her until her healing.

Two days later, Samiha stubbornly phoned again; she called this time to interrogate both sisters about the health of Hind. She received the bad news that the state of her health degraded and that she would be, according to the doctors, cured at the end of two or three months at least;that means indeed, that both sisters would stay at her, all this duration, maybe more againl, to survey the health of their sister how it improves!

Samiha had the feeling that it was necessary to act fast, and had to say the truth to Damascius by telephone. The reaction of Damascius was visceral. He did not stop sobbing during long minutes by repeating several times : " Why her, why not me who am sick. I would die if something worse affects Hind. I would die "

She tried to console him, to promise to him to go to visit Hind, the same day, If both sisters granted well to him their assent..

The next day, Damascius phoned to Samiha as usual, but he had the voice disturbed with a certain trouble of words choice . He then became put under stress as the last time, even still worse .




Chapter 8


Cause and result


" Hind is not really sick, but reached by the evil which called (Love); It is incurable! " Both sisters maliciously diagnosed the fever that their sister underwent since several weeks.

The one said: " anyway, she is not any more the same, when she spoke to the telephone. She had something which made her completely changed . She took a long leave in the work; she does not go out any more ; She wants to receive nobody. Since she is sick she does not take medicines prescribed by the doctors … I do not know why she makes all these things ."

The other one answered: " Me, I know why. I suspect that Ahmed will have returned to Damascus; I think that she became a patient because of him; she is afraid of receiving him at her, especially that she does not live alone any more. I think that it is himself who forgot her and he does not any more want to tie as before the contact with her. You know your sister how much she is secret and sly! If we asked her the question on which passes she would not pronounce a word! "

They however dared, to interrogate their sister about this subject. She answered:

" It is possible whether it is so. Can that change anything? Ten years ago Ahmed was not any more in Damascus, you know well that. If he is of return now , it does not mean that he came exclusively to see me! This story of former days is past, ended for years, exactly as you and my husband wanted it. Your decision to eliminate Ahmed of my life was not, in fact, to defend your honor nor even mine, or that of my husband; it belonged only to your interests of yourselves, to keep your husbands who would have suspected the adultery of their sister-in-law, supposing that he is always on my route, that he approaches to me, that he porsuits me very close, to wast me! Funny imagination for this presumed presence, considered always by the nasty spirits as a permanent, inevitable misfortune which grinds next door or at home! "

" You privileged thus your interest before that of everybody. You admitted that my husband, ,jaw lower , toy between your hands, marries another woman; hadn’t you even encouraged him directly or indirectly to make this error?

" You prevented him from divorcing me for the same reason: do not continue to see in the person of Ahmed element of rehearsal in the infinity, of an extra conjugal relation of your sister! If the worst aggravates, if it becomes even more atrocious, then you are satisfied, you destroy my life and that of Ahmed, because of your egoism! "

" You threatened me the worst punishments. You made the same thing with him. You continue always to show the hatred against him, if your husbands are satisfied "

" If I am sick, if I risk my life, it is thanks to you. Believe me, dear sisters "

Both sisters regretted their intervention . They would have preferred that their sister was so artless not to discover their games of narrow-minded and terrifying manipulation. In fact, both sisters are married to two brothers who lived in the same house of their father, as the custom in certain traditional families . Now, every word, every information, every suspicion could be all the time, shared between four. And Hind was their favorite victim!

The niece would have known many of things about the relations between the aunts and Hind, as regards their private life; but all this did not interest her; on the contrary, with regard to them, she could have, herself, personal ideas on the society, completely different, maybe close or the similar to those of Hind, her ideal; and at her age of eighteen years, she could make things which would amaze her two naughty aunts.

The sickness of Hind saddened the young niece a lot. She finds inconvenient the stay of the aunts at their sister. It can only deteriorate the disease, and complicate her life, which was so far quiet.

Samiha returned on her projects, and went one day, without preventing anybody, to visiting Hind, patient;that is common and acceptable thing in this country ; But she had, in her head a plan to add another thing to this visit.. She wanted to know if Hind wishes, exceptionally, because of her prolonged fatigue, to see Ahmed;to contact him by one or another way. At least let both lovers speak together to the telephone, without knowing the sisters, and by means of the young niece's help.

The interview with Hind was short, because of the presence of the sisters who did not leave them only, even for one minute; but she was able to look to the niece, by whispering in her ears, during the embrace at the exit, her phone number, by suggesting to call her from the outside. The niece closed eyes in sign of assent. In fact, Samiha thought, that it was not an easy matter to obtain a good result with the hard control of the bad sisters .

Damascius phoned in the evening to Samiha, as every day, to take news on the health of Hind. She told him what took place at Hind, says that she waited for the outside telephone of the niece.

Only that, pleased him. He was completely delighted to hear the detail of the success of Samiha. He said to her that he will call back tomorrow to know what it will be necessary to make on this matter..

Samiha received from the niece a phone call indicating to her that Hind is going to phone at the end of the evening, at just midnight, when both sisters would be put to sleep, and that she will be delighted if Damascius speaks to her, at the same time.

Damascius received the excellent news by roaring with enjoyment. He came at eleven o'clock in the evening to Samiha's house to listen to the voice of Hind, a little later.

At midnight, the telephone rings. It was Hind, herself, finally, who speaks with her deep voice, but very weak. Damascius took at once the phone, having thrown a blow of fast eye on Samiha to obtain the assent to speak the first one. Samiha, very satisfied for the occasion, made him a small smile, as a sign of acceptance.

- " Good evening Hind.

- " It is you Ahmed! I am satisfied to hear you; that makes ten years, we did not speak more to each other; I hope that your stay in Damascus will be long!

- " Yes it will be long naturally, I cannot live any more without feeling me near you, in the same city as you, not in another continent, far from thousand kilometres. I dreamed all the time to hear your voice, your breath, your pleasant words. I imagined you, in the other end of the telephone, to speak to me, every day as in the past, to say to myself that we are still friends, that we still live as such, in spite of the distance and the time which runs"

- " You did not change your pleasant way to speak, your poetic expressions, your usual euphoria and your zeal which you made when you phoned me.. I think of you, too, the estrangement of time and of the space did not weak my feelings. Only I regret the circumstances which brought us to this situation, and I ask you for forgiveness "

- " Regret nothing, and don't ask for forgiveness. It was our fate, and we continue to undergo it, day after day. I loved you how nobody made it before me, and that is also my fate! "

- " The time came to erase our pains, to forget what it struck in our existence, in our life and our friendship "

- " All that I wish now, it is that you are healthy! "

- " Yes. From tomorrow, I would take my medicines regularly; I would follow the advices of the doctors; I would make everything for improve my health. All will be done only to satisfy in your wish. …I shall speak to you at the same moment, next week, to show you that I became a good pupil "

- " I wish you a quick healing Hind.. Goodbye "

- " Goodbye Ahmed. Goodbye "

This short conversation of five minutes with Hind, was by its simplicity and its naivety, a supernatural elixir for the moral state of Damascius. He wants to live now to reach a single purpose, the insurance that Hind will go better. He would like to listen to her once again, to relive with her the memories of the past, to possess certain hope for the future.

He expressed notably to Samiha her deep gratitude to realize his dream, this oral meeting of both individuals separated during a long time.. He friendly asked her if it was possible ; Because, she listened from the niece, when she fixed the hour of communication, that the doctor of Hind said to her aunts, after the exam of analyses and radiologies recently realized , that he did not see improvement of the health of Hind, and that it will certainly be brought to ask to a surgeon to make to her an operation in the next days.

She had to hide this too disturbing news, not to spoil the occasion and tarnish the enjoyment of Damascius to speak again with Hind by telephone..

The next day, Samiha learnt that the surgical operation is definitively decided, and that Hind has to go to the hospital in three days. Thus, the next phone conversation with Ahmed would be compromised. She does not know how she can announce this very likely change to the unfortunate and unlucky poet .

The week was passed; Hind was always at the hospital, and Damascius learnt with bitterness that the communication agreed with Hind would not take place; but he continued to phone daily to Samiha by hoping, in vein, the improvement of the health of Hind.

Samiha went to visit her to the hospital, but it was not possible to see her personally, because she was transported in the intensive care, because of a sudden and unexpected bleeding.

She perceived in a corridor a man speaking to both sisters. By crossing them, this person appeared at her as the husband of Hind. In fact, he had the sad and worried air, as everybody, waiting in the hall close to the room where is Hind fought for the life.. In these conditions, a visit of Damascius at the hospital was, according to her, impossible.

The intensive care to Hind turned out ineffective. Neither the surgeon, nor the other doctors showed the slightest hope to change the situation. The niece cried abundantly . The husband and both sisters spoke about what they will have to make afterward.

Hind stayed between the life and the death during three days. She was put to sleep, in a deep coma. . There were threads everywhere, several devices are settled around the bed. Everything was installed well and works well, except Hind who was dying.

We wonder: in the similar state, is it possible to imagine that Hind thought at first, in her coma, of Ahmed who waited, very close improvement of her health, to speak to him once again? Then, to her niece who is going to be alone in the life, if she dies? To her sisters who will regret, maybe, their schemes and their inequitable attitude towards her during years and years? To her husband who is going to continue to live with his second wife, as if anything was not crossed? To her colleagues in the work who will say that they lost a good friend? In this life which she spent every day with very long wait which turned out vein, at the end? Did she wait to die, a wretched light of hope which did not come in time?

Several questions would have stayed without answers in the head of a dying woman.

In the dawn of a quiet night at the hospital, The night doctor noticed the death of Hind


Chapter 9


I spit at the face of fate


Damascius was unconscious of the tragedy announced by his fate. He always believed that Hind wanted to speak to him, that she waited for him, that she wished to see him somewhere. Every day he phones to Samiha, accepts automatically all that she says or that she does not say . The evasive answers of Samiha make him even more perturbed; Really, he showed more confusions in his expressions and his sentences, every day which passes. He became very close to the madness; He said:

Look at me a little; Listen to my silence
You have in hands the keys of existence
Answer me my love; I have something to say
Approach me you and makes a smile
The night which runs embraces us

The love was friend, during the years
With the spring flowers, it went on
Dews simultaneous as sweet salivas
Nights, poems of wind, demand to change
Erase all sins, forgive the orgies
They owed to dawn, these songs under candles

Our cheerful meetings , as evening of gypsies
Ignore to reason, been in love pleasure
As us, happy beings, of indifferent tastes
The love overcomes Evil; Wishes are trionphants

The faults forgiven, gone with the wind
I defend my love, such a wild hyena
I laugh of Death, when he comes by force
But I never run away, in front of these adventures
Which spare us the boredom, and worries which owed

It is not blasphemy to make us embraces
When we are Éros followers, we accept the storms!


He believed that Hind was only absent for some days and that she will come to see him when she returns ! He refused to understand that her disease persisted and aggravated; that her health could degrade and risk of having very dangerous unpredictable consequences.

What is curious at Damascius - madman, it is that the approach of the death, being for him a fatal thing, does not represent any more the main part in this rotten world; because the love makes its children survive , for the eternity!

When Samiha asked him to come to her house the following morning of the sad news. She said to him that Hind faced with the agony, that she would even be dead. He cried, but he showed so bizarre reactions. He looked at the sky through the window, as if he demanded a help; then he seemed feeling around him something invisible, he imagined Hind get closer to him. Samiha, in spite of her moral strength and her cold blood, begged him to stop, but he began to sing, in a low voice, while looking at the invisible:

" Why you close your reddish eyes and shiver as a duck?
Seeming you make that you fall asleep?
Unless you predict the death!

I see swans on waters
A long flight of starlings
Do you chose to imitate them
These thirsting for freedom?

Do you sleep? Either you are hurt?
Maybe you have the wings broken
How I accept these rumours
That you leave me and you die?

You stay in me , all my life
Even at first, nothing separated us
And if I die I would be delighted
And we return in another evening!


" He is crazy. He is crazy! " Said Samiha .

She embraced him tenderly, and said to him that it is necessary to accept the fate, that tears and pains do not make turn the absentee.

She asked to him of the patience that he has never known, of the oblivion that he has never made, of the consolation which he allways refused in his pains. Hind was him, because she was in him. How to be impatient with same somebody, by himself ?

He had said :’’ How I can forget her in myself? How can I part from myself? The sadness and the suffering became the reason of my existence, the spring of my ideas and my poems , the foundation of my reasonings, and my reflections‘’.

As a lover faithful to his feelings, he have to continue to undergo theses conditions of a human being, when he is conscious or not.

In the daytime of the funeral of Hind, Ahmed was, in the cemetery there, next to her husband, and both husbands of her sisters. There was an enormous crowd of the close relations, the friends and the colleagues of the work, who cried all, in the memory of a distinguished and respectable woman.

Both sisters, the poor niece and other women who came for the condolences stayed in the apartment of the deceased as want the customs, in a storm of tears, roarings and shouts.

When the body of Hind is buried in the ditch of the grave, wrapped with a white shroud. Damascius fell down. Two unknown persons took him a little farther of the crowd, till the end of ceremony of the solemn pumps which lasted even some minutes.

He woke up to throw a last glance on the place where employees of cemetery began to put back the fresh ground in the ditch which has just received the body.

He went out, returning alone, without knowing where he goes. Nobody wanted to accompany him by departure from the cemetery, to give him a hand of help, a glance of consolation; everybody occupied of himself; the husband of Hind and both couple of her cursed sisters, had already left. In any manners he waited for nothing of them. He walked all day length in the streets of the bordering district.

Samiha and both twin brothers went separately to the condolences the same evening of the funeral; they will make the same thing next two evenings.

The poet, lost completely, did not know in what to dream, what to make, what to drink or to eat, along this macabre day. He did not even participate In the solemn condolences of the evening, he had no more the capacity to reflect, to judge or to consider anythings. He went away from the existence, from people, from reality, from reasoning. He flew away with the memories of Hind, the internal appeals sprung from his heart to join her somewhere in the universe; in the sky or on the earth, it doesn't much matter.

If he has the choice, he would doubtless have preferred that the place where will be settled their union, is Damascus which he liked because he loved Hind, living or dead , in which his soul inhaled its breezes, the smell of its ground and flowery gardens... It is Damascus which will be their paradise for the eternity..

The following morning, Samiha and certain women close to Hind, among which both sisters also, went to the cemetery . But when they are approached the grave of Hind, they perceived a circle of the cemetery guards accompanied with two policemen around the place of the grave.

They surrounded a lengthened man died on even the ground of the grave which is not still built . Samiha recognized him, at once, by far. He was Damascius, himself, cold and dusty body, loosing his soul, during the night or at dawn, doubtless.

In the hand they found a piece of paper, on which he had written:

They had it said in men's annals
The one who goes, does not return

The time erases on the palms
What were engraved by the past :
All their orgies and the virtues
And memories of their setbacks

But a poet will never die
Even bursting as a crow
After it embodied troubles

He became a nightingale
Which twittered and whist led
To say goodbye to stupid men

Goodbye, realm of big despots
The hearts subjected to their shoes
They cut the stalks of the roses
They ruin the niches of swallows

To crush their happy life
Where are the Angels who them watch?

Goodbye Fate, who was a friend
Become later, the worst enemy
You show your wrinkled face
With the sly eyes of spiders

I spit and go, without return
I don't come back, even one day


Samiha by means of both twin brothers help, who took charge burial and formalities of death of Damascius / Ahmed. He is buried not very far from the grave of Hind.

The date of his death, engraved later on the gravestone, carried a figure different from only a single day moreover, with regard to that of the death of Hind.

God! be with them.

They will have the chance, maybe, to meet in the sky Damascius the Greek, with whom will discuss his ideas on the subject that " the universal concert was preceded by an immense unclear rumour, there when nothing was still, and everything got ready; what looked to the supreme effort of the thought "

They are also going to approach the favorite subject of the old philosopher on the'' to ouden'' , the nothing. .. The nothingness which return in the unspeakable principle of everything. The speech of the thought which extends between two abysses: that where from is born the word and that from it which it comes to die when there is nothing more to say " (Marie-Claire Galpérine - Summarized of the First Principles of Damascius)

Now, with the running of time, almost thirty years, since the death of both lovers at the end of their trajedy, we wonder if the nature of love has changed, the society become more tender and the nothing become something.

If Damascius the Greek is alive , he would , maybe, answer .


The end



My life sacrified



Chapter 1


You will be wrong if you do not believe that I changed since I met you. I can say to you at once that it is like night and day. Previously, I was really a silly girl completely stupid with false self-stuffiness and childish heedlessness . When I was eleven , I was taller than all the boys in my class, and more studious also ( I learned afterward that is a general principle of nature , even the animal female are as well) . When I had the physical changes of teenager; I took the things with wideness, even anyone did not tell me what and why they were so . It was only at the age of sixteen that I became equal , physically and mentally to boys in a different matters of studies except the math and some sport exercises, that is also natural in the human development . As a young woman , in the age of seventeen , I was convinced that it was time to find a man who would marry me, but here I was less comprehensive and skilful .

I dreamed as the most important number of teenagers to be appreciated, one day, by a magnificent man who comes to look for me and to give me his love; but in most of the similar cases in our world of weaker sex, this man cannot be always what we think about . In multiple cases , as others gills told me, he want to change the beloved young woman, in fact or in his imagination and his fantasies, into an attractive, removable, repairable, automated doll; then he takes the pleasure to enjoy himself and love her as well, in this ridiculous shape . I did not want to hear these rumours , Nevertheless I failed in my first practical tries with the men.

I have to say, as a matter of fact, that you seem different from the others in the reality, maybe even in your imagination. For me, I was able to discover in you, at first blush, by my own , the man who I believed capable actually to love me . Then I decided to love you because you are going surely to love me. I am there proud of me and I think I deserve of our love . Are you too ? I do not ask for an answer for the immediate. The future will confirm my peelings. Do not worry, thus, my darling.

Be quietly relaxed in your short stay in Lyon for the seminary. I hope that you are settled well in your hotel and that it pleases you well too .
too... I waits for you impatiently in a fortnight...

I did not send, in fact, this awkward and stupid letter to Charles, It will be ridiculous as well to definite his character for the little time I knew him ; I contented with phoning him in his) hotel dedicated in the pulpit of its rooms to receive the seminaries of international Conference on human rights in order to know in which precise date he returns to Paris.

He gave me the first day of the next month, for a rendez-vous to me.. We shall so have six last months since our first meeting.. Great!

I remember well this evening there, where we were in a restaurant in Monometer, two friends and a colleague to me at the secondary school where I work, to dinner on the occasion of my twenty-seventh birthday. Charles sat alone at a close table , just at a passage to go out or to go in toilet. Charles sat alone at a close table , just at a passage to go out or to go in toilet. In the middle of the dinner, I needed to redo my make-up, then I made excuses to my friends to go to washbasins during some minutes. My dress was hung on with the tablecloth of his table and all which was top was knocked down, the wine and the dish and the rest, without soiling nevertheless his dress . He got up immediately to seize my arm and prevent me from falling down .

Of my return, I saw on his table a new bottle of wine and an empty glass, waiting doubtless in the meantime, the waiter who fetched, I suppose, a new flat or a dessert. He threw me once again one so charming smile, what urged me automatically to ask to him to come to join us to our table. He said "with pleasure", and we sit, the one next to the other .

Having made the exchange of usual presentation, he did not hesitate to congratulate me for my birthday, while excusing for his indiscretion, because he included from some discussion spent before the incident, that was about a little feast between friends and it concerned me personally. I said I'm thankful , in a rather natural and smiling way. At this moment, he past discreetly his visit card where I was able to read the name "Charles Duval" without any mention of his address, but only the number of his mobile phone. I gave him, for my part, my number of telephone at home, orally, in a low voice.

At the end of the evening he suggested us going to take the liqueur in the same street corner by saying that it would be also sympatric that our restaurant and he added " to prolong the feast if it pleases you ".

We went together thus, and for this evening we became, both of us real friends, or rather two lovers..

We were happy all the time since the first day. Our meetings were
regular, twice a week, except the time of present conference, without
missing, without delay, without dispute . We told about our life before without reserve, even about our private affairs of heart . He had never been married ! He is forty five now, rather alluring than handsome , with brown eyes and dark eyebrows which give an aspect of some furtive sights. He speaks rarely about his original profession as a lawyer, and widely about his hobbies as a writer, an author of thrillers but he didn't give me one of his books, that will be done in the future. In his political preoccupation as an activist of human rights, he is entirely discreet. In brief: he is a perfect man.

However, we are not similar in all the domains. For example, from the point of view of private life of the couple, he is too much requiring for him and for me, whereas I, I am much less. He said to me, once, humbly and friendly, that I make the ethics prevail in the intimate relations ; but according to him, this has nothing to do with the reality of the world, when things should go according to the laws of nature and the normal functions of the body.

I understood that he considers me a passive woman , or even an ice-cold creature in a sense? That shocks me, because if it is true that I am poisoned since the adolescence by the reflex ions of some foolish girls, or certain religious notions on the reproduction and the task reserved for the women in the marriage and to content themselves with this duty, without aiming at other things, I several times want to have the carnal pleasure, but rarely . Contrary to me, Charles considers both things, sentimental and physical, inseparable; I prefer the affection and the tenderness, letting the pleasure take the second place in the life .

Amway, on his return, I'll endeavour with all my good willing to do something in this field. I don't want to loss him for a tiny affair like that .I 'all satisfy his rededications whenever he has envy. I should do it if really I can. It won't be the end of the world. I'll hear and obey only his words not those of the mad girls of adolescence or the fanatic religious .
Practising completely the femininity in all its dimensions, by wishing, or by force, is not illicit. What arrives in closed doors concern nobody, except us. I am neither a nasty whore, nor a dry woman of virtue.

The second point which irritates me and seems disturbing, is its mental and cultural capacities. He has never criticized me in an intellectual subject, even when I am wrong or I am ignorant there. His silence is worse than the word; because I feel more injured and humbled. Maybe we have the same understanding of things, but the precise seizure of the things and their dimensions is not in my capacity with the same degree. The problem there is insoluble, because it demands many years of
studies and researches.

Besides, he is always courteous in every conversation on his particular business, of literature or other intellectual domains. I asked him once if a writer like him is more expert than others in social questions , especially in his domain of poplars . He said ; " I don't write novels since many years '' I replied that a writer even he doesn't write now , is always a writer . People do not look at his past and at his other works. It will be sufficient with only one published work, to be an author. He did not say anything. In fact, he evaded deliberately my initial question!

Concerning his profession as a lawyer, he never pronounced a word about trials. This discretion is attached undoable to the professional duties . Perhaps when will be married he would be less strict . I am not sure . Anyway , this field is not very interesting for me .

For the rest , he is generous without flat , his nice-speaking is not excessive . His humour is measurable and adapted with circumstances. On this last point , we are almost similar .

Let us wait first of next month to see the things better and longer .


Chapter 2


He arrived in time at my apartment for our rendez-vous after the conference, but he seemed preoccupied and anxious, . He said just on his coming : " I am afraid, I can't stay too late, I have to meet somebody in the evening, for an important discussion concerning a trial which takes place tomorrow morning".

I had to accept sadly, because I was missing him , two long weeks which were for me an eternity . Our rendez-vous did not last hardly more than two ours. I was almost silent and I neglected to speak of whatever it is of most of the subjects which I wanted to discuss with him concerning particularly our future.

I asked him when we will meet again . He said " Not before ten days, I'll be very busy. I am sorry . Meanwhile I will phone you absolutely" .

I waited patiently his phone , but nothing arrived from him , even after the ten days promised.

The problem for me is that the only mean to contact him is the mobile . He did not give me an adress in Paris . I have never known a single name of his friends or his relatives . I confess that it was my own
fault . I had to be more prudent . Elas ! I didn't learn many things in the life .

Had he lie ? How could be then ?

Is he unfaithful ? Is he now with another woman? How can I take him back ? but, at first, how can I find him in a big town like Paris if I have not his adress ? I tried many times to contact him by the mobile , but in vain . He doesn't answer .

Is he alive ? Is he dead , or maybe sick yet ? Who knows? Oh ! I know the way ...What pity for me !!!

I called the Bar of Paris and said " Please give me the adress or the phone number of the cabinet in which the lowyer Mr. Charles Duval works", the voice answered me " I cannot give the adress by phone because of security restructions, but you can come and have an appointement with the reponsible in our locality to speak about what you want " , and I went immediately to this adress .

When I arrived I received the sad information that there is not a lowyer upon the register of the Bar in the name of " Charles Duval, but we shall asked the other bars to answer exactly to your question .

A week later I had a negative response . " There is no lowyer in France with the name of Charles Duval ".

I called the hotel in which Charles stayed once for the International conference of Human Rights, and have some informatins about the period of the conference . In fact the organiser of meeting was the french comity of Human Rights . I called immediately the comity in Paris to know if Mr. Charles Duval is a member of the assocation . I had the terrible answer that there is not a member whose name is Duval . Furthermore , they asked me if he is french or not . This question gave me the idea to search Duval in the franco- speaking associations . That demands many days but I should do .

Nothing in Belgium, nothing in Luxemburg, nothing in Switzerland
, nothing in the whole world .

There are also the publishers . I asked many of them and many of libreries , if the have ever heard about an author whose name is Charles Duval . Allways I do receive the same negative answer .

I waste time with all these useless searches. I have to become used now to live as a divorced woman, or as a widow...


Chapter 3


More than three months later, the telephone rang . It was a voice of a man I have never known him. He said briefly: " Charles is in under our hands, if you want to see him alive, you have to follow our instructions " and hung up, without waiting even for my answer...

Very worried and frightened, I called one of my best friends, Dalia, agent of insurance and she knows many people, to come immediately to see me . Besides, she was in the famous feast of birthday in Monmartre, so I can speak frankly with her about this incredible threat .

While Dalia was with me ; I received a new communication . The man said : "You must prepare 80000 euros in the coming twenty four hours if you want to see Charles freed. I warn you, if you say one single word to the police , Charles will dye. It will be your turn later " .

Dalia heard the communication and began to cry. I became immovable, dumb and completely ruined inside. How I may collect such a sum. . All that I have of sparing money is less than a half of the sum .. Dalia said : " I can help you for 10000 euros . For the rest we try to find a solution ... "

Early in the morning I phoned to my parents to ask them if they can give me some money without speaking about a precise sum and
without saying why . .

Actually she came in the evening with exacly the sum required . Incredible thing and a great evidence of friendship . Of course, I will spend the whole of my life to pay what I borrowed .

The voice called me again late in the evening and asked if the sum is now with me . Then , the voice said :" Put the money in a brief-case and go out in the street with your mobile in the hand and continue to walk on your left until I call you" . I had to obey at once .

The street was dark and deserted . I walked on the left and crossed another street but always on the left . Suddenly the voice said : There is a cinema in the corner. You buy a ticket and you enter into the middle of the salle . There you take place and stay for exactly ten minutes ; then you let the brief-case and go out . So,you will find Charles at you to morrow morning" . I wanted to say something in order to be sure of exactitude of his planning, but he hung up .

I did exactly what he orded me to do . The cinema was half empty and I remarked nothing around me . I let the big sum on the chair and came back home sick and worried .

Charles came later than it was promised . He was tired with blue on eyes and front . I cried and asked him when he was freed and how he spent the time of kidnapping , he said : " All what happened was awful indeed, but I beg you not to require all the details . That is in order to preserve our security. Let us speak about anything but not about the last event "

We passed the most beautiful night in our life . When I waked up he was yet gone .

I went to the secondary school with a new character, happy and confident, but In the evening I received the most horrible communication which I have never had since the kidnapping of Charles. . The voice of the unknown man is reappeared . He said : " Have you found your lover ? . As for me, I am not like you in no way, because all this story is made by both of us, Charles and I. Now, the man whose name is completely invented was my partner in the kidnapping. I
organized all the operation and he executed all that I said to him...
; but yesterday he went with th money without let the half of sum as it was concluded between us . He is a swindler , a big thief . I will kill him whe I find him " ...

I did not understand the rest of the communication. I think that I lost all the capacity to listen to or to utter a word. When I returned to the life, I phoned Dalia.

This intelligent girl has the perfect quality to calm me in the difficulties of the life. She said:

" Be quiet and let us think about the problem with a profound and
effective way, not in crying and wiping . Charles is not undoubtly his real name ; neither the family name which he borrowed from a famous name of family bourgeoise well kown in the french history , particularly in Rennes . He met you and found after some weeks that you you have affection for him . He told his friend about you . Then the accomplice had to imagine quite one a sénario to exercise a false kidnapping to exploit your relation with him and translate it into a source of funds for both of them. .

So the ransom had to be divided in two equal parts, fifty- fifty, but Charles considered that he deserves only the sum for him and he disappeared with the money. If he came to see you, it is only to finish the realization of this put-up job. I think that he will not return to meet you once again . It was indeed a terrible cauchemare. Regrettably, there are besides the debts which you have to pay during a long long period of time. To my opinion we have to go to the police and say everything since the beginning. What do you think?

" I don't want to see him dead, because if the other man knows that the police is upon the field , he will kill Charles, and I am sur he will", I said .

Dalia became red and very angry . She said ; " You are crazy . You continue to love him, whatever he did , even after he stole your money and the money of your friends and the other persons also, you must be a little bit wise and correct with yourself and with the others"

I insisted: " yes. I cannot cause him any damage by his riva
l, nor denounce him to the police and make him undergo some punishment. My heart does not want, I am sorry " and I cried widely.

She said: " I shall make it in spite of your refusal. I have to make something in the name of our friendship ".

I replied : " and I ask you in the name of friendship not to do it " .

Our conversation is ended like that. Dalia is brought in at her with a big regret that a girl so mad as I can behave so..











Chapter 4


I paid off for relatively a brief delay the sum that I borrowed from Dalia. Our relation became nevertheless weak and suspicious because of my errors committed to her in the progress of the events concerning Charles's problem.

In fact I became stronger and more aggressive than in the past to everybody. So, the rival of Charles stopped disturbing me. When he said: " I know that he will return to see you. Then be sure that I take my vengeance against both of you and I shall have entirely my money.] " I replied : " Listen to me . I have never seen him since more than year and I know that you are observing me everyday at my home and in the street. If Charles were coming back You should be the first who knows . Besides , You have not any money to require . This money is mine, not yours. You know well that I can ask for the protection of the police and you go to be attached to the hands, accused and condemned, earlier or later, then you will be imprisoned for the rest of your life . Do you want that indeed ? " and he never phoned after this threating .

Many years are spent since I saw Charles after his return and the long night of happiness which I had with him, in my big satisfaction and my big pleasure. I cannot forget him and if he comes back one day , I will forgive him . .

I could pay off a big part of the borrowed sums. Only I regret that
I lost because of this matter the most faithful of my friends, Dalia.


Once this year, by returning at home, she perceived me, by surprise, walking on the opposite pavement. She stopped and crossed the street to look for me there where I was. Then she approached slowly to me with a wide smile. I took her in my arms and cried. Then we went to have a drink in the corner. She was magnificent and very pleasant during our conversation.

Then she said with a reserved sight: " I want to say to you something on Charles. Do you allow me that I say ? But she did not wait for my answer and said : " the police of Luxemburg announced the arrest of a member of a criminal band searched by Interpole and by many authrities in Europe. Newspapers published afterward a photo of the thief. The man in the photo seems to have about fifty of age, with big mustaches and a thickens beard. I realized that it was the image of Charles in spite of his changes of aspect of his face . I said to myself: he is Charles doubtless, but his name appeared in the newspaper is siverro Paul, I suppose that it is its real name. The commit magistrate asked for witnesses and said that any information will help us to find the stolen sums and to prove the liable to penal risponsability of offender .

I said nothing , but the next day I took the train to Luxembourg . .I searched the justice administration and found not very hardly the bureau of the commit magistrate . He said to me that an exam view of verification is nessessary and I must confront the offender . . I accepted if this process would be the most discreet possible.

In the afternoon the confrontation was terrible: there were five or six persons and I had to say who is the man whom I accuse .I ought to see the one after the other and stop a little to look at everyone , then make some distance to determine in a complete discretion the one that I denounce. It was a hard and difficult experiment the moment when I stopped in front of Charles : he looked at me fixedly with his charming eyes as in our first meeting. My heart beat strongly and I thought that my legs could not support me . I retook the force and continue the turn of observation of the next offenders , but in a ridiculous awkwardness.

The policeman who accompanied me in the confrontation, asked me
very slightly: " did you recognize anybody? " I said "No one" and I returned to Paris.

In the train I thought of all which reached me during the last five or six years, and also in all which will arrive in the next years with the
sadness and the regret which I shall have in my heart, while Charles spend his imprisonment for at least ten or fifteen years .

I cursed myself for being such a crazy girl, but my love for him defeated me , and even my life is definitvely sacrified for him , I continue to love him .....

When will I be cured of what I have been ?

Ever I think .


The end